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Original poster

What does this message mean from him? I dont know

71 replies

Deinaje · 10/04/2015 09:13

Hi, I have an American friend, we met in abroad and because we liked each other I have visited him in USA. The last day of this journey, we argued and it was hurtfull. We met his friend when we had a date, he told them something akward about me and since then had been mad. He was probably joking but in that moment it was a bad joke.
I felt like I lost him in one moment, he was paying attention his friends more than me..Since then we havent been talking a lot, because I am back home. I wrote him a message few day ago about how I felt. His respond is: Sometimes I want to rewrite what was said before you came out here. I want to be more clear about what the visit was. You are a wonderful human being and I am blessed to know you! I am sorry it didn t end up as you had hoped, but I am too... You are still a big part of my life. We met as travelers and to me, as an American, it is a big deal I will always have a place for you in my heart but that place is also filled with other amazing people. You are not lost with me. You are another person on this earth that has encouraged me and been someone I needed to meet.

I am not native in English, please help me and write me your opinion for this message. Am I still important for him in future on does he want to quit it?

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 10/04/2015 10:47

It sounds as if from his perspective it was a sort of holiday romance (out of time, out of mind etc - ie not real) and now that you've actually come across and intruded into his 'real life', he's annoyed with you. He's just trying to dress it up a bit.

I'm sorry but in my view this relationship is going nowhere. I think you should cut your losses.

PatriciaHolm · 10/04/2015 11:00

He liked having a holiday romance with you in NZ. He liked the romanticism of an online long distance relationship.

However, he has absolutely no interest in carrying that romance on in real life now. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if you never hear from him again; he's trying to dress it up in fancy language, but his message essentially says "thanks but goodbye."

springydaffs · 10/04/2015 11:31

I'll get flamed for this but the moral of the story is: don't chase a man! Certainly don't fly half way around the world to 'surprise' him. Dear me, if he wanted to be with you he would have found a way, believe me. Men like to chase.

American or not, he sounds like a shit to have treated you so badly when you arrived, whether you were welcome or not. You're being far too generous imo, let him go he ddoesn't sound remotely worth it xx

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/04/2015 11:47

You had a holiday romance that turned out to be crap in reality. That's all! Time to move on. Stop sending flowery, vague messages to each other.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 10/04/2015 11:48

Did you actually turn up to visit him as a surprise? I'd say that's not really cool.

freelanceconundrum · 10/04/2015 11:59

He's a tosser. Bin him.

Milllli · 10/04/2015 12:11

He is telling you that he does not want a emotional/ physical relationship with you.
He thinks you believed there was love interest from him before you went out to see him when there wasn't.
He wants to be friends and you are one of many people he has met .
That's it really

SanityClause · 10/04/2015 12:21

From everything he's said, it sounds like he is a wanker.

He didn't want it to continue, until you moved on in your life. Then he suddenly did. But then, after all his "I love you"s, once you were in America, he realised he didn't, and is now trying to re-write history and pretend he never told you that he loved you, in the first place.

Move on.

(And, yeah, what does "as an American" even mean in this context?)

Original poster
Deinaje · 10/04/2015 14:03

I dont know what I should do. I still have him like a friend on Facebook. Our common friends think how great he is...And me? I know the truth but I dont want to cause a war between him and our common friends so I am alone for all of this. I have just stopped to talk about this with our friends.

He wanted to visit me first but then he was begging me to come to Cali..I didnt have money for it, but then suddenly something happened and I received som extra money and my journey to USA was a gift to Christmas for him. Then I came to USA in February.

He was talking about my coming back to USA also when I had come. But everything changed suddenly like three days before my leaving his country. He was mad, angry, he's had a depression that he is not rich etc... I was confused...And our date? Common it wasn't date. It was meeting his friends with me. Thats all..Not private date...

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 10/04/2015 14:09

Sorry you had this experience. He doesn't sound like a kind person.

Twinklestein · 10/04/2015 14:16

Perhaps something's being lost in translation.

His message is a polite waffly way of saying 'it's over, have a nice life'

You had a holiday romance, it was fun, you met up after and it didn't work. So that's that. There's no reason for there to be 'war' between friends when you're not even in the same country.

cozietoesie · 10/04/2015 14:19

I'd agree - he doesn't sound like a kind person at all. (Which would likely make his flowery phrases to you for his own benefit - to salve his own conscience - rather than for yours.)

There's no need for a 'war' with common friends over this either - if asked, it's sufficient just to say 'Oh it didn't work out between us' and dismiss it. (You can ache in private if needs be but if I were you, I'd instead be saying Thank You that you weren't in deeper before you realized what he was truly like.)

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 10/04/2015 14:49

Don't do anything.
Just let the contact slide.
He thought he wanted a full relationship with you, but by the time you flew out to see him, he'd changed his mind. For whatever reason.
Perhaps he realised you weren't a good match in real life.
Or maybe he met someone else (likely).
Don't think you should confront him, or badmouth him to mutual friends.
Just back off and get on with your life. Chalk it up to experience.

Original poster
Deinaje · 10/04/2015 15:08

I think you all are right. I dont want to talk bad things about him whether its a true or not. I believe in karma:) and I dont want to be a jerk. I mean I really trusted him. He knew about my previous relationship and he was trying to persuade me that everything will be ok and there is no reason to be worried that something similar would happen to me with him. I was stupid. But its something what makes me stronger in future. I hope

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 10/04/2015 15:10

Good luck.

CMOTGilbertBlythe · 10/04/2015 15:31

It will make you stronger, it's a lesson in life. A bloody tough lesson, but you'll make your peace with it.

lastlines · 10/04/2015 15:40

You are very well shot of him. He sounds like a nightmare. Someone who pursues you and declares love when you are away from him, but can't even be bothered to prepare food to welcome you after a 14 hour flight? He's a child, not a man. You sound far too good for him. It was a holiday romance. Write it off (forget it.) You deserve better.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 10/04/2015 15:46

Just to be clear. I can tell you (as an American myself Grin).... it's not because he's American, it's not because he has ADHD. It's because he's a twat. Unfriend and ignore. Don't waste any more time on him. He's not worth it.

Milllli · 10/04/2015 15:51

I'm sorry it hurts but take away everything else and he is just not into you. If he was he would have flown to be with you no matter what and you would not need to ask questions, at all.

Iflyaway · 10/04/2015 15:54

I agree with lastlines

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 10/04/2015 16:02

I doubt him meant to hurt you. He just sounds like a weak, immature and selfish person.

You sound lovely and I hope you can move on and just put it down to life's experiences.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 10/04/2015 16:02

'He'

Original poster
Deinaje · 10/04/2015 16:12

Thank you all. After all of this, this sounds like a voice of angels. I thought that I had to do something really bad, I was trying to find a reason why this happened. Nothing serious.I was dressed up when we had a date, so I was good looking to represent him, but it finished like a nightmare. I had a lunch with his lovely patents, because he wanted this. I must tell I came from a small country from Europe. I had to have a courage to meet his parents and talk with them. So it was difficult for me to stand this. But you all help me to find a different view. Do you think should I really unfriend him? I dont know

OP posts:
Original poster
Deinaje · 10/04/2015 16:13
  • parents
OP posts:
ShipwreckedAndComatose · 10/04/2015 16:53

Personally, I would leave it for a while so that you have time to think through what happened and plan what sort of contact you want with him in the future. I think, though, I would want to cut ties entirely and move on with my life but I would want to feel like I had taken the step to unfriend in a thoughtful way and not rushed into it.

There are others here who would be quicker to make a decision to unfriend and I admire their decisiveness. So it's entirely what you want to do and as long as you know you are happy with your decision, that's fine Smile