has anyone ever been desperately unhappy in a 'perfect' relationship

[lastqueenofscotland]

As title really. Really should be perfect, there is nothing wrong but god i am unhappy :(.

I don't know if it's me -I have a long history of eating disorders and am struggling at the moment, and that's what i'm unhappy about.

Not really looking for advise, I think I just want to know I'm not the only one who's ever been in this situation cause I think the girls at work just don't get it!

I also have an earring disorder and what I think is now depression. I am married to the perfect guy. He will is a great man and will be a great husband. And yet I often feel unhappy. I am still trying to decide whether this is due to my marraige, or my mental health.

Pm me if you want to chat more about it. I know how you feel when you say others don't understand.

Weirdly so relieved to read it's not just me, it can be a very lonley corner to be in.

I may well PM you tomorrow if you don't mind. Popping off for an early night now!

I used to feel that. I then ended the relationship and it took me a while to understand that if it's not making you happy then it really isn't a perfect relationship. I now understand that he was what Id convinced myself perfect should be but not what was right for me.

I know that he is now someones genuine perfect.

New relationship now and I see that he is perfect for me abd because of that I have the room and support to express unhappiness that I have in relation to my own issues.

Hope that made sense. It is way past my bedtime.

Eating disorders upset the chemical and hormone balance of the body, which puts a strain on sufferers physically and mentally, and often causes depression and low mood. They can also cause sufferers to become introverted and withdrawn from friends and family, as their relationship with food starts to take over a greater part of their life.

Does this sound familiar?

I'm not a sufferer, but have a lot of experience, and have seen first hand how relationships suffer as a consequence. It is very likely the way you are feeling has much to do with your struggles at the moment.

Do you talk to your DP about your EDs? Are you open to them helping you through it? Perhaps they are also feeling the strain standing by watching you suffer. It's a hard thing for someone who loves you to watch.

worserevived

I think you are probably right my world can be impossibly small - just literally all food/calories/weight/energy expended.

I've got a successful career, quite an exciting lifestyle etc and i may as well have none of it at times!

I think i just don't know if its the relationship making me unhappy or I'm unhappy cause I don't think anyone with an eating disorder is chipper, and nothing makes me particularly happy in the long term.
SIGH

I think 15 year old me would have hoped i'd grown out of this by now!!

Can you expand on what makes you feel unhappy, or when you feel unhappy? Conversely, when do you feel happy?

There is not much in your OP. But I will say that there is no perfect relationship, and no perfect man. If you think you have either, something somewhere is not as it seems.

Lastqueen I am exactly the same. I find it very difficult to feel happy with lots of things. I withdraw from my friends and family and stop doing social activities. When you don't love yourself it is very difficult to form a loving relationship with anyone else and my anorexia makes me very selfish.

I have started trying to address some of my issues and have created a book of happy times with my husband. Times when I have genuinely felt happy with him (not that pretend happy we do so well). It includes lists of why I love him to remind me on down and low days. Doesn't always work, and you have to build it on up days which sometimes there aren't very many of.

I also have another book called my staples. It is full of things that would hold me together through big changes or uncertainties in my life. It gives me some
peace sometimes to remind myself that if my marraige does need to end at some point there are other things that define who I am. Mine includes my family, my job, and then little things like enjoying walking in the sunshine, or sand between my toes.

At the minute I am neither accepting nor dismissing the idea that I am not happy in my marraige. I have to work on being happy in myself which means I need a better control over my anorexia before I can make any big life changing decisions.

We are currently starting fertility treatment (which I know someone will tell me isn't a good idea if I am questioning my marriage) but this is likely to take many years and is also a big stress on me at the minute which makes it difficult to see things clearly.

Worse revived- yes I talk about it with my DH sometimes but he doesn't really understand. I withhold a lot of my worries about not being happy with him as I don't want to worry him.

2 years ago I was very withdrawn, wasn't talking much and was pushing him away. He didn't know why I was doing it and came home one day and said he wasn't happy in our marraige and he was leaving. The shock and emmense pain I went through quickly reminded me that I love him and that I needed to put more effort into our marraige. As it happens he came back 3 hours later and we talked about how to rebuild our marraige. I had to build back up to being physicsly affectionate with him as I hadn't even given him a hug or kiss for months. We worked on it and it improved a lot.

Right now it comes in waves. 2 days ago I thought I was deeply unhappy and needed to leave him, last night I was on top of the world thinking what a good father he will be and how much I love him. I know this is my mental health causing my feelings. We have been together 9 years now and are very solid as a couple. He is very understanding of me and my issues and will ride the storm with me.

On the info you've given its you. Sort out the eating disorder, they send you nuts.

I've not experienced an ED personally, but I've watched my best friend go through it.

I don't know that it's possible to be happy while in the grip of one.

What treatment have you had OP?