Sister really hurt my feelings over my son...

[Emj86]

Hello,

I used to think me and my sister had a close relationship especially when we both got pregnant around the same time 3 years ago, we spent alot of time together in their first year and the kids became really close however over the last year she does not seem to like to meet up with the kids at all.

My nephew is really gentle natured and his speech is fantastic, my ds is a great character and really lively however he suffers with a speech delay so does get frustrated which can show in his behaviour.

Anyway i have noticed on the odd occasion i do see my sister that she always looks really shocked if my ds is playing up or makes comments about his lack of speech, i find this hurtful but never say anything, it was the final straw for me though when i saw her at my mums yesterday, we were talking about the kids and she told me her ds regresses when he is with mine ds because he copies his 'baby speech' she also looked at him in utter disgust when he had abit of a tantrum.

I feel hurt that she thinks my son is some sort of bad influence ( he is 2.5) and it seems clear that she spends such little time with us these days because of this.

I see so many pictures on fb of her with friends and their kids on days out and we are never invited, i really want to say something to her but know she will just get defensive so don't want to cause tensions.

Do you think im right to find her comments hurtful or am i being overly sensitive?

X

Her comments are unreasonable.

Whether she is BU not to spend so much time with you depends on how 'lively' 'a real character' and 'frustrated' come across really - does your son ever accidentally hurt hers? Is his play more rough?

I think some parents think special needs are somehow catching

Could you talk to her calmly and tell her how upset you were? And explain that your son isn't being naughty but is acting out?

You need to stop being quiet about her ignorant comments and stand up for you son.

I would find your sister's behaviour upsetting too. Her comments are not at all helpful. Doesn't she have any compassion or understanding in her nature? Your DS is only 2.5 years old. She maybe your sister but sadly she is not your friend.

I would have days out with friends rather than DSis.
Is she expressing an opinion about his tantrum or does she think you are handling it badly?
As for baby speech. That's just a horrid comment to make.

Most DMs think their pfb is extremely bright/ above average intelligence/ advanced for his/her years etc etc
Your DSis is one. But little does she know that at 2.5 years you really cannot know your child's future.
Obviously 'intelligence' to her is the most important aspect of her DS's character. And she wants to bring him on and sees your DS as holding this back.

Really she is going to miss out on such a lot from her DS if she has such a blinkered view and her DS is going to miss out from having a lovely playmate who is also his cousin.

It is her loss so imo you need to find nicer friends for yourself and your DS, who will no doubt catch up soon. He is only 2.5 FGs, just a tot.

OP I have a very gentle child. I've also had to stop seeing a friend during the day because her son consistently hurt my DS almost every time we met. My DS used to dread meeting up with friends son in the end and I had to put DS's needs first. I had a heart to heart with my friend and 3 years later they consider themselves to be best friends. However it took time and space to reach that point.

I think your Dsis looking with utter distain is unacceptable. If she is talking about his speech and language as a supportive SIL, then that's fine. Derogatory words are unacceptable though. It is not ok to look down on a child

She will find her second child very different to this one.

Thank you all for your comments, ds never hurts his cousin and definetly doesn't hit, what i mean by lively is he is just full of energy and when i say frustrated he has tantrums with me if he can't get across what he want's.

The sad thing is the boys absolutely love each others company, i love seeing them get on so well,it seems the problems with my sister and not them.

Your right when you say it's like she thinks his speech delay is catching, her son is not going to stop talking by spending time with mine!

I will try and speak to her x

I would be hurt by that too. I think most people would.

Can you speak to your sister and tell her that you feel left out and isolated and that you could use a bit of support? If she feels like you are reaching out to her, it might put her fears into perspective. FWIW, it's normal and actually good for children to 'mirror' each other's behaviour (we do it as adults too!) - it's surely not 'regressing' if her child talks babyspeak around yours, it's a sign that he's trying to sympathise and to get along!

Your sisters behaviour is disgusting. Most parents do think their first born is advanced, I thought mine was as his speech was amazing. However I have a nephew who's speech took longer and academically years later he's very advanced. Your sister needs to get a grip and zip it