MIL showing increasingly odd behaviour, seeing her next week, how should I tackle it?

[northerner]

You may have seen my threads recently.

Basically in a nut shell she has a very ill partner who is going into a home, she can't pay her rent without his carers allowance and will have to move into a housing association property, she is slaging off FIL (her ex h) and talking about things that happenned 30 years ago asif it happenned last week, she told lots of hurtful lies about dh and I to his bro and his wife and could have caused a huge rift, she is slagging off dh and his bro to her friends, last week she faked being attacked by her neigbour to gain our sympathy, she is drinking lots every day and smoking like a chimney.

She has not seen my ds in over 8 weeks (she lives 5 mins away) but last night called to say she will pop round next week asif nothing has happenned.

Dh and i need to talk to her, I am very angry at her, but feel she has underlying issues (poss Bipolar?)

Any advice on how to tackle this?

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What does your DH think northerner? Maybe you could suggest she see her GP?

I also remember your threads - and in some ways it does make a bit more sense if it's all part of a pattern of odd behaviour. But then that doesn't help you much other than making you feel better.

I'm not sure that there's a huge amount that you yourself can do right now - she doesn't sound as though she's going to be very receptive to advice or reason from anyone. It might be just the stress of her partner being ill; equally it could be bipolar, or depression, or even the first signs of Alzheimers - I do agree that it sounds to be much more than just normal family grief - but I don't know how much you're in a position to do about any of this.

None of which is much help in knowing what to do. I think you need to look at this in two ways. One is that she may well be ill, and then whether there is anyone she trusts who might be able to help her - even just persuade her to go to the doctor or talk to her. But you need to be careful that this doesn't get turned against you too.

The second thing is what you yourself do, and that's a really tricky one. I genuinely don't know what I would do under the circumstances - if she is ill, then talking to her isn't going to achieve much. But then if you are that furious, you can't just let it lie. But do you think she will react/over-react if you say something to her? Or if Dh talks to her/

I'd say you have to work out what outcome you want from this - whether it's an apology or for her to see more of ds - but from what you've said about her behaviour, you may not be able to get this. What does your DH think about it all - does he think she's got worse?

Yes dh and his bro are well aware she has got worse. But she has always been bad, even when they were kids. Gin and tonics before the school run, throwing glass ashtrays at them when they were little boys, I could go on.

When they were 7 & 9 they went to live with their Dad and his new wife. She then went on to have countless failed relationships and got into lots of debt.

She is very screwed up, but seems hell bent on screwing up everyone else and I just don't know what to do.

sounds like a classic alcoholic to me

The lady needs help.

Has your DH spoken to her about seeing someone about it? Has she ever acknowledged the fact that she has a problem?