how do i deal with pils for ohs sake?

[dontlikechocolateorcake]

I've nc'd here as i believe mil is on here. I really need some advice.

Pils have always been a bit overbearing but since dc1 was born four years ago they have been a nightmare. I suffered with pnd and they literally picked my parenting to pieces- they were adamant they should be able to take dc1 away from me for days out from about 4 weeks old (obviously i said no)

They have vicious dogs which they refuse to control (resulting in my not letting the dcs visit their house although i made it clear if the dogs were controlled i had no issue).

There was a massive argument in the end when dc1 was little resulting in set boundaries being put in place by my oh- ie they watched how they spoke to me, they didnt contradict us to the kids, they stopped badmouthing me to other family etc.

Obviously caused a lot of bad feeling on both parts. Iv since had another dc and its all started again (thankfully not the pnd tho :-) ). Fil refuses to speak to me even in my own house, mil is very critical of me and how i parent. They are demanding to have dcs alone etc.

Id happily go nc myself lol but oh really wants things to improve. Can anyone offer any advice (other than letting them take the kids- not going to happen) so i can make things easier for oh?

Tell him he can maintain a relationship alone with them but you and the DC will not.

You do not deserve to be ignored in your own home and so they should not be welcome there. By allowing this to continue your OH is showing them and you that he is OK with them treating you this way.

Thanks magoria i just feel like im making him choose and i feel guilty but short of just handing my kids over when they demand i dont know what else to do

It's time for your husband to step up here, he needs to deal with his appalling parents. There is no reason why you should have to put with their behaviour.

Your DH has already chosen. he chose to marry you and have children. If he wanted to put his parents first all his life, he should have stayed single.

His first loyalty now must be to you and the kids. Yes it's going to be difficult because he's been abused by them subject to their dysfunction all his life, and probably doesn't realise it.

Thanks all. I just dont think theres any repairing the relationship now- id love to list all the crazy history we have but i would definitely out myself....

"DH, I know it took a lot for you to lay down the ground rules last time, but since DC2 we are back where we started. I don't want to inflame the situation, but if you do not reiterate the ground rules, you will need to conduct your relationship with your parents elsewhere. It is unfair of them to question our parenting and not listen to our decisions, to come to our house and not have the decency to acknowledge me.
Talk to them or they cannot come here."
You need DH to do what he did before. It didn't damge the relationship last time, it won't this time. He did choose last time - he chose you and DC1. Trust he will do the same this time.