OH working overseas - I'm struggling a bit at weekends

[MeetMyCat]

OH is presently working overseas, he’s back at the end of July. We don’t have children. I’m fine during the week, I work full time, I often meet friends for lunch, or a catch-up after work, I attend pilates classes and am a keen gym-goer. However at the weekend it all grinds to a halt ……. My friends are generally busy with their own lives/teenagers/husbands, a lot of classes etc run on Saturday mornings but not beyond that, and I find myself at a loss to know what to do with myself.

I’ve looked at voluntary work, but the WRVS seems to attract lots of older ladies, our local animal welfare group is the same. I’ve often considered taking some sort of weekend job (like in a coffee shop) as I’d enjoy this, but I don’t want the commitment. I need to find a hobby that I really enjoy, that takes places over the weekend, bringing me into contact with friendly people. I honestly don’t fancy trailing round museums and galleries on my own, it just makes me feel more alone.

I’ve looked at cookery weekends etc but I can’t do that every weekend!

Or do I just change my mindset? Do I accept that weekends are a bit tricky when you’re nearly 50 and all your friends are married, and maybe not stress myself out by trying to find activities/company that don’t exist? Should I just accept that two quiet days out of every seven is quite OK? Am I asking too much of myself? I really thought that I’d find lots of enriching things to do at weekends during OH’s deployment, but it hasn’t materialised yet. Today I’m feeling very weak and pathetic, and rather cross with myself.

Round here there is a lot of hill walking groups that go out for the day either Saturday or Sunday. Also a huge amount of people off on massive long cycles in groups. I wouldn't take a job as you need to relax and have fun. What about volunteering at a teen club or drop in centre..it's fun as teens are so entertaining especially when you don't have to live with them. Just thinking of way my friends and l spend our weekends

I agree with above poster.
I joined a walking group and they usually meet on a Saturday and Sunday.
I am doing another 10 mile walk next weekend.
The group are lovely and very friendly as I'm sure most of them are.
I also work on a Sunday in a pub.
I really enjoy it and I get paid.
The locals are great and it's only from 12-5 so I still get the morning and the evening.
Have a look on meetup.com

There will be loads in your area that meet up of an evening or for walks or bike rides etc...

I'm quite interested in walking, as long as it's fairly short distances! But I just checked out Meetup.com, and there's actually quite a lot going on in my area - and, at face value, looks like precisely the sort of thing I need: a group of people to mix with on a dip in/dip out basis, and I just might make a few new friends. I might give it a try.

I feel really silly posting about this - I've got a lovely husband and very little to complain about in the grand scheme of things, but I do find weekends very difficult indeed. I'd be terrified about the future if I had to face solo weekends on a permanent basis.

I was just going to suggest Meetup! I've just discovered it and am finding it a brilliant way of dipping in and out of social stuff when it suits me. I'm off on a long walk on Saturday, and lunch and a short walk on Sunday. The following Sunday it's lunch followed by a short walk. Great fun, no commitment, I love it

Livid, I hate to ask, but were they a fairly normal cross-section of people at Meetup events? Just regular people (hopefully)?

If you have a local sailing club find out if they have a beginner class you could join. It is a great way of meeting people and then you could volunteer yourself as crew (people always want crew) so you could pick when you wanted to sail without the commitment of every week or the cost of a boat. It's good fun too and normally a brilliant social life in the evening. Choose a club with a bar (most do) so you can enjoy post sailing drinks in the evening plus they often have regular evening events like casual suppers too.

I've only been to one so far (a 20-40s Ramblers group via Meetup) and they all seemed lovely...apart from one slightly irritating man who when I told him I was a full time student asked me how I managed financially followed by "or shouldn't I ask" [oh haha, but it's none of your business you wanker]. I've walked with the Ramblers (older age groups though) for years and always enjoyed it, so would recommend them if you like walking. I've got 2 events booked this weekend (then another few over the coming weeks) so I'll let you know how they turn out.

You could also try Spice as they put loads of events on. I was a member years ago, but wouldn't join now as they charge £12 per month membership and I'd rather just use Meetup for free.

MeetMyCat, an update...
The 2 Meetups this weekends were great. Nice bunch of people, a mix of professionals and non-professionals. I'd definitely recommend it because it's transformed my social life and I'm someone who used to prefer staying home!

Livid that's so good to hear! Is it definitely OK to use Meet Up for purely social purposes, I'm really not wanting any sort of 'dating/singles' organisation? I realise there must be people who join hoping it may lead in that direction, but I'm just wanting to socialise and keep busy.

July is a long time? Where is he? TBH I'd expect to meet up regularly before then- one alternately travelling each time or both half way- to maintain a serious relationship.

Cycling is a good weekend filler as especially now the weather is better, people use the weekend to do their really long rides.

My local cycling club have their main ride on a Sunday, starting 9.15, stop around 11 for coffee and cake, get back at 1ish. Theres also a group on a Saturday which is more of a development ride which is 2-5ish. Lovely group of people, and we've really enjoyed meeting new people without any commitment to being there every week.

Aha. I've just noticed 'deployment'
That's hard.

I second meet-up.

I did it for a few years and had some very enjoyable experiences and met some lovely people (a few oddballs, but in the main very nice, friendly and genuine). I did walking, a social group, and a French conversation group.

MeetMyCat, it's absolutely fine to go and not be on the pull. I have a boyfriend so am not looking for anyone, I just want to improve my social life and make new (preferably female) friends. There are specific groups for people looking for dating, but most are just social groups. All you have to do is create an account, which is free, state all your interests and the area you want to socialise in, and you'll receive email notifications of events. You then RSVP the events you want to attend. What I like about it is that there's no commitment like there can be with clubs, so if you're busy or don't fancy going to an event it's no problem. It's just the done thing to turn up if you've said yes as many events have number limits.

Don't knock casual work as a means to socialise.

My Nana carried on working til the age of 85 - cleaing hotel rooms, washing up. She liked being active, didn't like being stuck with my Grandad, who liked his allotment. She got a free alcoholic drink every shift and loved talking with her co-workers, most of whom were under 30!

I guess hat I'm saying is that you get a lot more from work other than money.

I'm a military wife so I understand how hard these things are. We have 2 young dc and the weeks are hard when he's away but for some reason the weekend is so much harder! Perhaps it's because it's the time when you are together the most and others are with their partners etc which just makes it harder!
You have my sympathy. I can relate! Dh currently away but not for as long as yours!

"but the WRVS seems to attract lots of older ladies"

What's wrong with making friends and having fun with older people?

I speak as someone whose partner worked abroad for 5 years

You could always volunteer to dog walk for your local cat/dog home?

Agree with posters who have mentioned meet up. I'm in my 50s and divorced 8 years ago. I attend lots of different meet ups, walking, book club, theatre, cinema. You can dip in and out as much as you want. For example at the moment I'm quite busy visiting my grown up children, 2 of whom live away so won't attend many meet ups but in a couple of weeks time when its quieter I'll go back to it.

You do have to be a little bit cautious - I'm always wary of the people ( male or female) who want to be best friends straight away. I got burned a couple of times and learned my lesson. However I do also have some lovely friends I met through meet up who are completely " normal" :)