Hello
In December of last year I found out that my husband bought a shop and basement (in February 2014 I think) without telling me. Here is the thread I started at the time: link.
H has been evasive about what his plans are for the shop. Saying that he had thought it was a good idea to open an actual furniture shop (he used to run a small chain of them). He also said at one point that he had tried to get out of the auction purchase and was still trying to get rid of the shop 10 months later (last December). When however I suggested he sell the shop in another conversation during which he was moaning about not having enough money, he got very defensive and ended up hanging up on me. I have asked if the kids and I can come to see this shop but he has not taken me up on it and is generally very evasive about it. Never ever talks about it. It is also clear that he doesn't want me to go there (it is about 15/20 minutes drive from our house).
Two weeks ago I found out that a rental property that I thought he still owned (and that he had lead me to believe he still owned) was in fact sold in 2013. This discovery lead to a complete meltdown between the two of us and the thread (thank god for Mumsnet!) about it is here: thread.
After going through absolute hell and even going to see a solicitor (which h does not know about), I decided that the last thing I want to do is separate. H however is still completely uncommunicative and hardly talking (though he is at least answering his phone and communicating about the basics).
I have recently been wondering whether his apparent emotional abandonment of me could be down to him seeing somebody else - so when I heard his phone text alert go at 11.30 pm this evening (h was sleeping), I had a look to see who the text was from. Not great I know, but things are so difficult that I am well past worrying about the snooping issue - I kind of feel that it would be better for me to know if he is actually seeing someone as that would crystallise things for me (and probably lead to a nervous breakdown as well but that's another issue!).
Anyway, the text was completely innocent, but in the process of looking at his phone I looked at his call log. One of the calls he either made or received today was from somebody called "Frank" shall we say, and in my h has logged that person as Frank but put the name of the road (let's say Chatsworth Road) where the shop is in front - so the person came up as "Chatsworth Frank". It then transpires that there are 6 numbers my husband has logged with Chatsworth in front. All men and all somehow connected to this property. One seems to be a builder as h has added the word "builder" to his contact details.
So now I am wondering whether he is in fact renting the shop and basement out to these people. Either as a shop and living quarter or a living quarter only. I am also wondering whether they are all people who did some work there for h - renovating or I don't know what.
If he is renting the premises out without wanting to declare anything then that would maybe explain a. why he didn't tell me about the shop in the first place and b. why he so obviously does not want me to go there now.
What staggers me is that he has obviously had quite a lot of involvement with the place one way or another over the past year (or past few months, I don't know), judging by the amount of people he has logged as contacts linked to that place and the fact that he spoke to one of them today. YET I KNEW NOTHING OF ALL THESE GOINGS ON. He must have done quite a lot of work there himself I think (he also works as a builder), yet all that time he would have come home and said nothing about it 
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I know I am going to be told to cut my losses and LTB, but honestly the amount of pain I felt last week when I thought I was getting myself ready to do that was unbearable. I would much rather h trusted me and told me what is going on. Here I am thinking I am going to try my hardest to really involve myself in the relationship properly as there are mistakes I know I have made which have done damage to us, but in reality I am dealing with someone for whom hiding things like this is apparently ok.
Above all it is just weird, and to be quite honest I am totally lost. All my options seem to stink. Stay with someone who is completely cut off from me, or divorce him and live through the hell of going through that and not being able to see my dc all the time etc...
Our relationship has had quite a few problems over the past 2 or 3 years so I am even blaming myself for my h's secrecy thinking that if we had been getting on better, he would not have withheld all this information from me.
Basically it is a total mess and I don't know what to do. I would favour trying to get our relationship back on to an even keel so that h eventually possibly opens up to me but not sure this would actually happen.
Please go easy on me (if you have read this far) as I know people are going to think/say that I am a damp squib. I was proactive last week in that I saw my gp, a counsellor and the solicitor, but really I want my husband back from the place in his head that he has disappeared to 
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