Why does this still effect ne

[cogitosum]

When I started secondary school I befriended a boy. Nobody liked him and I felt sorry for him.

At 16 he was part of our friendship group and he raped my best friend. Nobody believed her but me. We called rape crisis who didn't really help.

Then a year later he raped his girlfriend. I gave statement to police.

Nothing happened.

I was out tonight with first friend. I ended up so upset and felt awful. She is the one who suffered but I feel so bad.

I just feel so betrayed but I'm not the one who's suffered so feel bad feeling like this.

are you saying you felt bad because you initially befriended the boy or are you saying you continued to be his friend after he did this to someone?

I have no idea why you feel betrayed?

I feel bad because he was my best friend for nearly 4 years. He came on holiday with me. He shared my teenage years and he did this.

I introduced him to my friends and I never saw what he was.

Obviously I wasn't friends with him after he raped my best friend.

No one believed her but me. So there must've been something that I subconsciously knew that stopped me listening to him.

Daffs that's what I mean. I don't know why this is effecting me so much 10 years on

Obviously I'm there for my friend but I'm trying to work out why it's impacting me to this extent.

Is it because you're questioning your own judgement? Thinking that you trusted him so much, but if he could rape someone, then maybe anybody could, and you'd never know?

Do you also feel guilty towards your friend because they might not have met if not for you?

I think both of those reasons are normal and understandable, but for them still to be bothering you this time later suggests you haven't made peace with the situation. Would you consider talking to a counsellor about this?

Please don't talk to your friend about these feelings, it would be putting an unfair burden on her and society already does enough of that shit to rape victims :(

Of course not pocketsaviour. We were speaking about him but I was supporting her rather than burdening her with my feelings.

I have been assaulted - many years later but bizarrely this actually affects me much more.

I think like you say it's because he was someone I trusted (other experience was a stranger) and it leaves me questioning a lot of my teenage life. I actually feel I now have no positive teenage memories which saddens me.