Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Distant after sex

44 replies

WineIsFineAtNine · 08/04/2015 20:44

So I met a guy on twitter and we seemed to have loads in common. Anyway, we got talking, exchanged numbers, added each other on FB etc. He asked me to see a show with him in London. We hit it off straight away and after the show he asked whether I'd like to go for something to eat so we went for dinner and had a great talk and food. All seemed to be going well until I mentioned I didn't want to miss the last train home then he seemed a bit off with me. Anyway, he ended up inviting me back to his and I (happily) accepted. We had sex, he came REALLY fast (I'm not exaggerating when I say in 7 thrusts, I've never experienced anything like it) and admitted he hadn't had sex in months. He seemed a bit off the next morning (so strange because we got on so well the night before). He made me breakfast then drove me to the station. When I said it was great to have met him and hopefully see him again he just awkwardly smiled and dodged my kiss as I got out of his car (turned into a peck on the cheek). He has replied to my messages since but we're not talking as regularly as we were prior to meeting/having sex. What do you think? Do you think he's embarassed by having cum so quickly? I do like him. The meeting was never explicitly set out as a date so I'm feeling so confused.

OP posts:

Original poster

WineIsFineAtNine · 08/04/2015 21:38

The reason I suspect he's embarrassed is because after he'd came he was making excuses, explaining how it had been months since he'd had sex etc. He was very shy and it just seems bizarre how he changed in the morning. But I suppose i'm selectively blind to the situation

OP posts:

newbieman1978 · 08/04/2015 22:02

Most men have cum to quickly if they are honest... I have! But that doesn't make a bad lover. What makes a bad lover is NOT spending the next half hour / hour however long it takes to pleasure and satisfy your lady.. Hopefully being able to reload and last 10 thrusts the next time!!

They are ways to handle cumming too quickly but acting an arse is not one of them.

Original poster

WineIsFineAtNine · 08/04/2015 22:10

Newbieman1978- but do men get so embarrassed they wouldn't see a woman again? Or is that just called being an asshole?

OP posts:

ALaughAMinute · 08/04/2015 22:17

I don't think you should feel too badly about it. He probably just came quick because he hadn't done it in such a long time. It doesn't sound like he made much of an effort though so he's probably a useless lover anyway.

Jackie401 · 08/04/2015 22:57

I reckon he's embarrassed OP

PoppyField · 08/04/2015 23:15

Echo everyone else. Absolutely NO birthday text! Clingy is not the word. Don't grace him with any more of your intelligence. Not only is he utterly crap in bed but he is utterly rude. Biff him from your brain and mark it up as a merely a rubbish shag.

StickledPink · 08/04/2015 23:25

Totally agree with PoppyField.

EvoraEvora · 08/04/2015 23:39

he could be just not that into you, in which case it's best to try and move on.

or he could be embarrassed and shy and feel awkward about his performance.... but he isn't talking about it so I don't see any other option but to move on? trying to push him into talking if he doesn't want to won't work. I think by all means leave the door open for him to initiate contact in future, but I think you need to try and move on, if you don't you will just tie yourself in knots trying to read his mind

EvoraEvora · 08/04/2015 23:42

and you barely know this guy- your playing the detective game to try and work out what hes thinking- you wont know unless he tells you.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 09/04/2015 07:17

Is this how people react when they're embarrassed but really like someone?
They go shy/distant, won't text them and just send curt replies.
Well, you learn something every day.

Branleuse · 09/04/2015 07:45

married

Chchchchangeabout · 09/04/2015 07:52

He's not interested. No text, move on. You are worth more than this.

lavenderhoney · 09/04/2015 08:24

The sulking at you not wanting to miss your train was a clue he wasn't planning a relationship with you. He had invested time and money ( even if you paid your share) and wanted a fast return on his investment.

If he had liked you for a gf he would have said " ok, let's get you to station" given you a kiss and sent you a nice text arranging to meet you again probably before you got home. If you hadn't have slept with him he probably still wouldn't have ben nice with you as it would have been clear you wanted a relationship and he doesn't want to invest in the time and effort for that.

Ignore him. And don't wish him happy birthday. You deserve much better treatment.

LuluJakey1 · 09/04/2015 08:36

Sulked when you mentioned the train
Asked you back to his place for sex
Didn't bother much with foreplay
Came instantly
Made an excuse
Promised sex again but never bothered
Couldn't get you out of the house quickly enough next day - couldn't even wait an hour
Did not pick up any mentions of another date- looked awkward when you mentioned it
Dodged kiss in car
Hasn't shown interest since

Why are you even thinking about him? He is not interested, not one littlebit. It was a fuck and not a very good one. Do not, if you have a jot of self-respect, even contemplate any further contact with him.

He has no grace in his behaviour or respect for you.

LividofLondinium · 09/04/2015 09:00

I'm starting the conversations
At the moment he's just politely replying then. Stop contacting him.

Possibly have just been used for sex. But he is a very shy and awkward kind of guy
He wasn't too shy to meet you was he, and the ice has been well and truly broken now too! Even if he's mortified by his performance he's showing how emotionally unintelligent he is by his behaviour.

It's his birthday next week, is a happy birthday text a bit clingy?
Yes, unless he'd been initialting as much communication as you. Don't contact him.

I just don't see why he changed so dramatically
Either he got the shag he wanted and has moved on, or he's got emotional issues. Either way you're well rid.

Sorry op

ineedabodytransplant · 09/04/2015 09:08

Be careful OP, he may start contact again if he thinks he can have another quick cum.

I haven't had sex in over 18 years and even I could last more than seven thrusts....

Original poster

WineIsFineAtNine · 12/04/2015 22:24

Thank you for all of the advice, thought I would update you all: he's since gone travelling I may have sent a 'have fun' text when pissed last night so there we go! Maybe so embarrassed he needs to run to the other side of the world

OP posts:

SelfLoathing · 12/04/2015 23:20

He seemed a bit off the next morning (so strange because we got on so well the night before).

Yeah - men tend to put on their charming best side when they are looking for sex.

he's since gone travelling I may have sent a 'have fun' text . . . Maybe so embarrassed he needs to run to the other side of the world

I bet you bump into him in Asda.
This reads as a classic man-up-for-a-one-night-stand-but-nothing-more v. a woman-who-got-overly-emotionally-invested-and-put-out-too-fast-in-the-light-of her-emotions.

LuluJakey1 · 13/04/2015 15:15

I bet he hasn't gone travelling- you contacted him again and are coming across as needy and wanting more than he ever intended to give. By travelling he means altering his route into Lndon so he does not bump into you. He is just not interested.

Flip

1 2