Dealing with nosy relatives

[LucieMay88]

Does anyone else have a nosy family member who sticks their nose into all your business while telling you nothing about themselves? I have an aunt who does this all the time and it really gets on my nerves.

We are quite an open family but my aunt is so odd. For years this aunt has been very closed. She keeps everything a secret and won't even tell us which school her grandson attends. If you ask after anyone she just says 'oh I can't remember' and she does things secretly then comes and announces them months later.

I wouldn't mind this if she wasn't so eager to know everything about us. Once, we caught her ex husband rifling through my parents' letters and he later told us that he'd been looking for any wage slips just to be nosy!

I recently left my job to start a business and wasn't keen on telling family until I'd sorted everything out. I'm currently staying with my parents over Easter. Tonight she's come up without being invited and, as soon as she sat down, started interrogating my mum about when I'm going back to work (I previously worked in teaching.) My mum had the feeling she already knew because I suspect she's been checking my old school's newsletters and seen I'm leaving. So she had to tell her that I'm becoming self employed, something I didn't want the family knowing yet because I'm still setting up.

I'm so fed up with it and I feel quite upset. I'm sick of her sticking her nose into our lives all the time, especially when she's so guarded about her own and doesn't even include us in anything. My mum would never dream of going round to her house and quizzing her about what her children are currently doing.

Sorry. Just needed to vent as she's still here and I can't believe the nerve of her.

can't you say to her what she says to you? "I can't remember"

Or just directly say to her that
I find it unusual that you are unwilling to give anything away of yourself but expect to know everything about my business and you can't have it both ways. Either we both maintain total privacy or we both share details of our lives. So pick one. I'll leave it up to you.

It's ok to challenge people who are unreasonable. It's ok to not bend over all the time to fit round people who are happy themselves to not bend.

Fenella, wish I could. I rarely speak to her directly because the way she is makes it hard for me not to say those things. My mum is eager not to upset her though, so I feel like I have to keep the peace for her sake. They're very close unfortunately.

well then, tell her all about your nipple tattoo and your plans to give up your life here to go herd sheep in bulgaria.

If you don't want to tell her to mind her own business, you can at least have some fun.

Just because someone asks for information does not mean they have the right to that information.

Perhaps you could have a chat with your mum at some point, see if she is willing to change and see that your aunt does not have the right to information.

It sounds like a power thing - 'I know everything about you but you know nothing about me, Hee Hee.'

I'd just turn the tables on her. Every time she asks something about you, interrupt and ask her a pointed question about her own affairs. And I mean every time - with the sweetest smile on your face. I doubt she'll last long in your presence and your Mum, with luck, might be satisfied with the excuse that you were 'kindly enquiring'. (You may get your character behind your back but I doubt that will concern you?)

Although Fenella's suggestion (the Bulgarian sheep-herding) has merit if you're good at keeping a straight face.