advise needed desperately, very down!

[fedup2015]

I've name changed for this as I'm very embarrassed that my relationship has become what it has.

All was well until DP moved in, the he became distant and depressed. He was depressed as he had career goals and it felt impossible for him to achieve them. He started to spend one full say a week outside of work and a few evenings a week educating himself (Web development). This went on for 2 years, during these 2 years he has been so driven about his new work that there was little else effort wise for our relationship. We rarely have sex, after a couple of months I get upset and things change for about 5 days then he's straight back to old behaviours.

For the past 5 months he has taken a break from his first job and has put all his efforts into the Web development full time. This means he's now working from home, which is a nightmare as the children and life itself often get in the way of things and he gets very frustrated.

I'm absolutely fed up, in 3 years I have done my best to support him and got very little intimacy back. It feels like he is a good friend to me, a supportive parent and does his best for our family. However I can't help but feel like this is all just a pipe dream? I feel resentful foe how much time is invested into his dreams and how little time and effort is invested into us. His career has yet to make an income, he jumps from one niche to the next and I feel like I'm missing out but that it's my duty as a loving partner to support him. I often get resentful and we gave arguments, but he won't let go of this dream. I feel like he's obsessed.

Am I been selfish and unreasonable? I'm questioning everything as I honestly don't know anymore. I just want to be happy, feel like I can have intimacy and a normal life without the obsessive drama.

Sorry for such disjointed rambles, I don't make much sense after a long day :)

Sounds like you have a lot to deal with, do you work? How old are the kids? If he is at home and not earning does he help with childcare? I can see it from your perspective if he isn't earning any money or really getting anywhere. Money isn't the be all and end all but 5 months of unemployment is quite a long time for unemployment especially if he's not even getting anywhere. Have you tried talking to him about it and what does he say?

This sounds like an awful lot to cope with.

Would it be true to say that he is lacking in business/people skill and strategy to make the business work?

A business like that is more than just technical skills. Is he too narrow minded to see this? Or is it simply that he is putting in so many hours?

What would happen if you told him what you've posted here??

I work yes but it's seasonal so not all the time. We have savings which er have lived off but they have dwindled. He believes that if I stop nagging about it all and leave him to it he will be successful, I'm terrified that he might be wrong and we have sacrificed so much when does it get better. The children are 6 and 4, so very young and demanding. Absolutely fed up with it all, I feel like I should be supportive but I really struggle with it. Perhaps if our relationship was better I might not be so resentful, it's do hard to feel lonely and unwanted and then support someone.

He's not a bad person, he's brilliant with my children (from previous relationship). He's helpful around the house and a great friend to me. He just isn't attentive in a romantic way and I feel like his career might just be a pipe dream.

Who am I to take away his dreams though, I feel awful and trapped :(

Oops think we cross posted Handy woman. I'm not sure about business skills, he has very good experience in Sales and was great at it. But he never gets to to point of finding work, he keeps following different ideas and it really scares me that he's got no direction. I'm debating showing him this post later

Sorry to be blunt
But what is in it for you?
Presumably he's moved into your home and family?
Has he been depressed the whole time?

I'm not an unfeeling bitch, I'm sure he's fine in other ways. It just reads to me like he's invaded your previously content life

Yes it sounds like if your relationship was better you could maybe handle or at least negotiate re the rest of it.

You don't feel loved or cherished. And that's not right. And it's enough of a reason for a very serious chat about the state of play. Could you have that?

I'm assuming he used to be a lot more attentive? When did that stop?

You are not married, he is not your children's father, it is your home (is it?) he is not bringing in a wage. I would say it should be relatively easy to end this relationship and move on for the better.