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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Argument aftermath.

10 replies

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 07/04/2015 18:51

How long does it take you and your SO to start speaking to each other after you've had a pretty major argument/fall out over something.

OP posts:

Original poster

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 07/04/2015 19:02

and has anyone ever actually 'downed tools' in regards to refusing to do the cooking/cleaning/washing for an ungrateful spouse?

how long did you do it for? how did it work out?

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 07/04/2015 19:47

I think you might be better off talking about what has upset / angered you for.

Vivacia · 07/04/2015 19:47

We don't have any of this in our relationship.

I think it might be worth you giving a bit more detail

TellyBelly · 07/04/2015 21:09

Mines terrible. Lots of door slamming and silence since Friday now. It's become a habit. I hate it it's making me ill. I've probably had enough to be honest. I know it's not normal, would be interested in other posters views as to how to prevent or to de-escalate.

Original poster

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 07/04/2015 21:32

DH and I are a bit shouty when we argue but then once we've blown steam, come back and discuss things on a more rational level.

Our not speaking is about giving each other space to calm down and think about stuff before we talk about it.

I was just wondering how long other couples take to calm down.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 07/04/2015 21:41

We haven't had a shouty argument yet but I did a imminent premenstral snap earlier and got told to 'oi there's no need for that' so i chased him fishing with the teen while I sort the growlys out. He's happy and I can snarl at the empty house that I don't have to apologise to tomorrow.

I know we'll probably argue properly one day but if it ever gets to apassive aggressive silent treatment bollocks then the relationship would be over. Life is short.

gamerchick · 07/04/2015 21:45

telly is it your partner? Tell him to bugger off out of your sight until he's over it and totally ignore him.

If you have children witnessing this then tell him he's going to have to either sort his head out or you'll have to split. It's very damaging for them long term.

Cutleryhands · 07/04/2015 21:47

We tend to call each other names at the end but the general rule here is when you wake up its another day, move on.

Seems to work !

TellyBelly · 07/04/2015 21:59

It is Gamer. He's sort of playing me at my own game. But to extremes. To avoid a shouty slanging match I'd remove myself from the situation for a few hours. This wound him up as he'd prefer to "have it out". That wasn't working and building up resentment so I said we should try a different approach i.e. one of us going away to let the situation calm down.

Now here we are silent treatment for days.

Am at the point of past caring.

VanitasVanitatum · 07/04/2015 22:04

My DP cannot bear a grudge even for two minutes, even when it was very much me in the wrong.

Makes him much the better person than me and I really try and emulate. Means there isn't really any sulky period after a row, and few rows at all really as it's hard to he unreasonable when someone is so reasonable!

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