New baby = no sex

[laurajaneP]

Hi everyone I was wondering if anyone can help me...me and my partner always had a very healthy sex life which pretty much continued until late pregnancy. My DD was born 4 months ago and since then we have probably had about 4 or 5 snatched moments together to actually do anything! We are always so tired and when we are not tired the baby always seems to want feeding or generally asking for attention (she is still sleeping in our room atm) and the lack of intimacy is really getting me down. I've tried talking to DP about it but he keeps saying he doesn't mind and that all new parents probably go through this, I suspect he is using porn to get by which doesn't upset me but it's the feeling of a lack of closeness that upsets me. Will things get better? Did anyone else go through this? We just really struggle to find anytime time where we aren't completely shattered!!!

You've got a 4 month old and you've had sex 5 times since they were born? By most people's standards you're doing pretty damn well!

I agree think you're doing well. Try not to put pressure on yourselves. Sounds like you're getting on great!

Honestly that's about the most normal situation I can imagine. Your DH is reassuring you - don't assume he's using other methods, that's a bit hasty. He's probably knackered too and not thinking too much about sex either. It'll come back, just be patient and enjoy the moments you have.

It's good to accept that whilst your both adjusting to becoming parents that your sex life will not be a priority. Tiredness takes over and that's that. It does eventually pick up but a long way from where you are.

It's ok though. It really is.

I wish someone had told me this first time round as like you I was concerned but it's just best to focus on the baby and relax about sex. You will eventually feel less tired, start getting your life back and the sex will follow.

Give yourself a break, it's perfectly normal not to have much sex for the first year, let alone the first few months. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Enjoy your baby and calm down.

If you don't feel like it or you're too tired then absolutely don't put any pressure on yourselves

But if you really want more intimacy then try and fit it in when and where you can. When we have had very young babies it has been more stolen kisses and sleepy half asleep sex after a night feed rather then long sessions and swinging from the chandeliers

The most important thing is being on the same page and trying to keep some sense of closeness, holding hands, sleeping naked, lots of cuddles. Things will soon get easier

It will get better.

Thankyou everyone that's made me feel a lot better, I guess as a first time mum I had no idea how exhausting (but totally worth it) parenthood really was and how much our relationship would change

I agree with PP, I think your situation is out of the ordinary for a new born. Our DD is nearly 8 months and I don't think we've DTD 5 times!

Try not to put too much on yourselves, it's so hard adjusting to a whole new way of life and sometimes you just want to be able to go to bed and sleep, not be touched and have some personal space.

I get the closeness but this is where tactile touches, cuddles and kisses get mean a huge amount! And just keep telling each other that you love one another, you still need to be a couple as well as parents.