Not sure what I’m looking for here, I guess some opinions would be great to help make sense of what happened on Sunday as I’m feeling pretty flat about it all…
So I met a guy online, we get on great, v attracted to one another, he tells me on the first date that he still lives with his ex but they are well and truly over and have been for a good year, I was quite taken aback by this as he didn’t mention this in the pre date texts. He told me that he is still living in their jointly owned home because his lawyer has told him if he moves out she will be able to dictate to him about contact with his children. He said many times that his ex was unreasonable and often acted irrationally and that they argued regularly. They didn’t marry but were engaged.
So anyway, we have only been on four dates, they have all gone v well, he is v complimentary, v gentlemanly, loads of good conversation, he was always v keen to see me, good with text contact, etc. He told me that he gets a bit stressed that I will go off him because of his complicated situation but I put his mind at rest. So anyway on Sunday he came to my place and the plan was to go for lunch an hour or so later. He told me that he had to leave after a few hours as he was taking his kids out at lunchtime the next day, I fully understood and accepted this. Anyway I’ll get to the point, we kissed and things got heavy but I felt uncomfortable about having full sex (for the first time) if he was planning to leave after lunch. I don’t know I think I would have felt a bit used / vulnerable. I told him this and he said he thought I was selfish to let things, erm, how can I put this, get to the point that they did, and that he couldn’t help it if he had to get home to his kids and I had to understand they came first. I said that he had got the wrong end of the stick, that I understood about him having to go home, but in those circumstances I wasn’t happy having sex for the first time, he said he was insulted as it was obvious he liked me, he had always made an effort to see me (driving for four hours each date as I live in Central London) I asked him to try and see my point, he is a guy I met online, I don’t really know him from Adam, therefore I didn’t want to have full sex if he was just going to go afterwards (well after lunch anyway).
He just couldn’t see my point and we ended up having a I guess you could say v controlled, no raised voices, row over lunch. I told him I thought he wasn’t ready for a relationship and when lunch was finished I walked away, telling him it was over. He sent me a text saying it was a shame as he saw himself having a relationship with me, but I was probably right, he wasn’t in the right place to be able to be available fully for a relationship with all the stress in his life currently but that when he has his life sorted perhaps we can try again (he is also currently out of work and looking for a job but appeared to be fully solvent, always paying, etc (I did offer before anyone jumps on me!!)).
I don’t know what I’m asking for really here, I guess some advice for the future, even though I don’t have children myself, and don’t want them in the future, I’m more than happy to date someone with children as I like them (just never fancied my own), I understand that this will mean that I will come second and that’s fine and how it should be. If someone is still living with their ex and their children, is that odd? I really don’t know as he made it seem all so above board. Guess I would like to make sense of this situation as I feel quite sad about how it all went from being so right to so wrong in such a short space of time, my best friend told me that she thought it all sounded a bit odd but didn’t want to say anything as I seemed happy.