why do i keep getting wobbles - please advise me

[hidethemirrortoday]

9 weeks now since we separated after 30+ years. I have lots of lovely friends and a good social life but I keep looking forward to the times when I see him out and about.
He has promised me he has seen the light and realised what a pig he was to me. I have had bouquets from him and offers of help with garden etc. and he is now being caring when he needs to text for practical things. At the moment he would do anything for me at the drop of hat. But...he was awful for a few years before we split.
I am now wondering if bad circumstances we went through near the end changed him and now this has jolted him back to the nice guy he was. I dont want to give him a chance and then have to go through a split again but I do miss him.
When he was bad he was vile but he is just being so lovely now.
Can anyone offer me some advice please

NO TO ONE LAST CHANCE!

dear god! NO!

they. never. ever. EVER. change.

Think about how many times he's promised to change in the past.... How many "one more" chances he's been given already.... This time will be no different.

I told my ex that I hope he does change as I don't believe he'll ever be happy unless he does but for me any efforts he only made because I left were too little too late.

Yes, yougotafriend - that riled me too.

I asked my then-DP to PLEASE stop texting this girl he was carrying on with (skirting just this side of emotional/physical affair), tears in my eyes and everything. He sorrowfully informed me that she just couldn't, that she needed him. So, I decided that I couldn't cope with this life and told him we had to split up - note that I did not tell him 'it's her or me'. Guess what, he instantly ditched her and claimed he now understood and was totally focused on me

Reader, I dumped him anyway. If he couldn't be arsed to treat me to treat me well when I asked nicely, then I didn't fucking want him there at all. I wasn't interested in having a partner who was only considerate towards me because of the unsubtle threat of dumpage if he wasn't. I wanted him to just be considerate, as a default setting.

How are you today, op?

Hide - i am exactly in your position, 9weeks since we split & i feel like a shadow. Unfortunately i couldn't bear it any longer & answer when he phoned, this lead to a three hour conversation where i just shouted and shouted and shouted. The relief of getting everything out lead to me a few days later thinking i want to see him. So here i am a week after the call siting in my car at the end of his street about to see him for the first time in 2mths (we arranged this on Thurs when i like an idiot phoned him). I dreading it. I don't know how i'll be. I want to run away, stupid me allways sticks to an arrangement & never wants to let anyone down.

I know exactly the agony your going through. Be stronger then i am. Keep the mantra running through your head, they NEVER change. This is what i'll be telling myself for the next 2 hours. Good luck to you.

How are you after your meeting silverfish?

Silverfish are you ok?

Sorry i didn't respond to your lovely caring posts - i've only just checked this thread. The meeting was okay, ended up staying 'till Sunday lunch, but it was all very calm. Not really sure whay will happen next, not made any plans to met up again and not missing him - even gone whole hours when i've not thought about him! But we have spoken on the phone, just once, today, just a general chit chat. Feel strangely strong and okay but not sure why.

How are you doing Op?