The practicalities of relationships

[whitecandles]

I'm in a fairly new relationship but one that feels like it is getting serious. I feel like he really loves and respects me, and I feel the same. We have fun, he listens to me, even if we don't always agree. I live in Korea and met this guy a few months ago.

But there are so many practical things to consider and I don't really know if it can work. But it seems so sad to give up on something because it will be difficult. Do people give up relationships because it's just too hard to get over some practical things?

For example: I am a teacher, and I am really keen to get further qualifications, a Masters and maybe even a phd. I'd love to work in research. He, on the other hand, has no qualifications. He completed a year of his degree, went to do his military service (he is Korean, and it is mandatory here), and realised he didn't want to go back to university. That's fine, I know not everyone has to go to university, but I worry about how it would affect our future. After all, how easy is it to get a job with no qualifications these days? What about if I wanted to go back to university? How could he support us? And what if we had babies? How would that work? I'm not sure if I could handle going back to work and leaving a newborn.

Like I said, he's Korean. I'm from the UK. As well as all the cultural differences (and there are a lot), it's another practical issue. Koreans tend to be very connected to their families and ancestors, and I just can't imagine him wanting to live away from here forever. And I can't imagine living here for the rest of my life. I like it, but it is a really difficult culture to live in at times, especially workwise.

And there is a big age gap. He's 22, I'm 32. It is not unusual for guys to get married at that age here, after military service, they are basically considered 'men'. And I'm a pretty young 32. But of course, there are problems occasionally with the age gap. He isn't that up for clubbing and stuff, but sometimes I do realise how young he is.

I have never in my life been inclined to follow my head. But I am a naturally nervous person who thinks way too much and right now, I am just seeing a ton of problems. It makes me sad, cos I really would love things to work out with him. He treats me so well, we talk about issues, he helps me with things...but I can't help turning things over in my head all the time.

Any thoughts?

I'm not sure what you mean then. Is your question; will my Korean bf be able to get a good job?
Er yeah, I should think so, eventually. Why not?

I think I stated it clearly in my OP. Don't really want to rehash it.

I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound snipey but your question is a little...odd.
Practically can your relationship work? Well, a relationship can work if you want it to but sometimes the sacrifices/compromises can be too great.
I fear long term you or he may have to make many many sacrifices to make this work.

(I met ex h while teaching English in Asia- I may be bias ;))

Sometimes you meet someone and for the briefest time, it all works. It won't work long term for whatever reasons (you have literally hundreds of reasons why yours won't last long term) but that's not to say that it's not a meaningful relationship.

The thing is, though, that this relationship won't make you happy long term. It just can't. The age difference is huge, the gap between yours and his educational achievements is huge, the cultural differences are massive and so on. It's unfair to him, too, if you have a child together and then you leave the country.

When you say, "If it happens, it happens" with regard to having a child with him, I hope you don't mean you're not taking precautions. Getting pregnant is an incredibly serious thing to do - it's not just your life that's involved in that decision.

How long did you intend staying out there?

Of course I don't mean I'm not taking precautions!

Thanks for all the advice and thoughts.

If you love someone and he is your best friend, then it doesn't matter. yes, he is capable of getting a decent job but not so sure if it is up to your standard. Unless you think he lack motivation. My sister just broke up with a guy because he lack ambition and motivation. It drove her crazy.

It sounds like you really love each other and you have a lot of respect for him. There's no reason why he couldn't get a good job with his hard work etc. the only sticking point I think is where you'd live long term. What has he said about living in the uk?

Love doesn't get you very far when you're 5000 miles from home, haven't seen family in years, the babies won't stop crying, your partner is too knackered to speak your language anymore and your holiday fund has just gone on his mums hip op....