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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

would you shame a love rat?

13 replies

wheelsanddollbaby · 01/11/2006 19:17

I sold my story to a popular women's magazine, sometime ago and understandably my ex is very p*ed off. I only really did it because I wanted to warn others of what a monster he is and to be careful of men like him as the can they can come into your life and take everything then move onto the next unsuspecting victim. He constantly goes on about how ashamed he is about being put in a magazine but and he doesn't see that he has done anything wrong to me or our child. The thing that aggrevates me is that normally the press make things sound far worse than they already are and notoriously distort the facts. In my case however, they wrote such a watered down version of events that my ex didn't look that bad at all. The refused to put anything in about his repeated violence assaults, my current life in a refuge with his child, his theft of over £80,000 of my money(now irretrivible), his devious lies or the way he targets wealthy successful women for his own ends, lying to the home office, how he lied to get a council flat when thousands are in genuine need, the list goes on. I was not asking them to be liabelous but merely to print the proven truth. It was pointless exercise because they have only portrayed him as a guy that had an affair whilst being married and left his family. I have done EVERYTHING for this man and been a loving,loyal wife only to get slapped in the face(literally and punched and kicked) and no one believes me as to what he is capable of. The police have been called several times and I have been too scared to press charges. I am only now starting on the road to recovery and getting my old self back and yet it seems that the more he lies the more he gets away with and yet when I speak the truth people just see me as a scorned wife. Rough justice?

OP posts:
Tommy · 01/11/2006 19:28

I gues the magazine wouldn't want to put the more serious stuff in as it's not exactly "entertaining" is it and their job is to sell more magazines.

You sound well rid of him. Get on with making a life for yourself and your child.

satine · 01/11/2006 19:34

Don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but although you say that they wouldn't print the 'proven truth', as far as I know if he disputes what you are say, the only way that the magazine can print the accusations and remain exempt from prosecution for libel is if the accusation has been proven in court.
Frustrating for you, but a protection against someone making something up out of spite.

satine · 01/11/2006 19:34

"what you are saying"
durrr

SSSandy · 01/11/2006 19:47

Do you wish now you hadn't contacted the magazine with the story?

lulumama · 01/11/2006 19:50

sadly..magazines print what sells....and if no charges or evidence he has done this...it is potentially libellous...and not nice for your children to see ...because someone will show them when they are older.....

also, despite what he has done to you and others, selling your story may have made you go down in peoples estimation.... even when every word is true...

cut him out of your life...move on.....

divastrop · 01/11/2006 20:31

IME abusive men dont like being 'outed',they use lines like'what goes on in our relationship is nobody else's business' etc.
you did what you felt you needed to at the time,i am sure the magazine would have printed more if he had been convicted of any assaults.

once you have stopped feeling angry,you can move on with your life and that,IMO,is the best revenge any woman can get on a b**d

bramblina · 01/11/2006 20:45

Wheelsanddollsbaby, what goes around comes around and one day he will get his comeuppance. Bad karma and all that.
Be patient.

wheelsanddollbaby · 01/11/2006 21:06

I don't regret contacting the magazine. He walked out on my son and I to go on holiday with another woman with £1 on our gas meter, £1 on our electricity meter, a virtually empty fridge and no money in the world. I had started a new job and had come off benefits and was not going to get a salary until 3weeks time( now the DHSS give continue your benefits until you get your first paycheque but they didn't then). I had to quit my job as I couldn't pay my child minder or afford to travel to work and go back on benefits and get a crisis loan. He left me with an armful of debts and I will never forgive him for leaving his own son with nothing. I don't even regret marrying him, as I have a beautiful son as a result. I did agree to press charges against him after the last incident and the Crown prosection service said that there was not enough evidence to prosecute him, despite there being three independant witnesses to the assault. The investigating police officer told me that my husband is "very charming but she knows he is lying about hitting me". She then went on to say that I was very unlucky that the CPS decided against a prosecution. The police have begged me in the past to press charges and I have always been too scared. When I finally gained the courage, I got nowhere, so what is the point?
I simply don't have a leg to stand on.
Hate me but your own son? the one you wanted, the one you were the first to hold next to the midwife, the one you claim to love.
Am trying to look forward and not back but it is hard, really hard.

OP posts:
divastrop · 01/11/2006 22:17

all i can say is you are doing the right thing in getting it off your chest,the more you talk about what a nasty git he was the better you will feel!
where i live the police have powers to prosecute in domestic violence cases even if the victim wont give a statement.they brough that in too late for me,but its a bloody good idea IMO.

SSSandy · 03/11/2006 12:18

You've been really badly hurt. It's going to take a while before you can think of him without feeling angry and let-down but I do think the time comes when you realise he means nothing at all to you anymore. It's natural to want to seem him suffer too and see some kind of revenge taking place, seems like one stage you go through. I think it's probably hardest with the father of your child because it's very difficult to let go of that person in your mind, however badly they behaved.

Really hope things start looking up for you and he leaves you in peace. Is he seeing your ds or does he want to?

expatinscotland · 03/11/2006 12:19

Trip trap

SSSandy · 03/11/2006 12:32

no comprendo

mind you brain not working brilliantly this morning. Where's that coffee?

SSSandy · 03/11/2006 12:32

duh it's the AFTERNOON

Shows how brilliantly I'm functioning today

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