I was kindly advised to repost here in relationships as I'd posted in 'Chat':
Walk me gently through your experiences. I am just about to embark on the first step: talking to a solicitor. This decision has been a long time coming in the few years we've been together.
I came into my union with a child. I remarried a divorced man 15 years my senior who had never had children. We went on to have two kids together.
We've been together six years, married for three. The past two years have not been great but tolerable. Job stress, kid stress, any stress has become a reason for my DH to build up a steady pile of resentment. I just feel disliked. We don't have a sex life at all. I think we're both ok with this. It never comes up in conversation. I am constantly made to feel guilty over money issues. I am a SAHM married to a doctor. I get the kids' clothes at charity shops and I never, I mean never get my hair done, buy new things for myself, etc. I do everything to try and keep costs down. We have our own home but my name is not on the deed or the mortgage and although we drew up a will a couple of years ago, I have actually never seen it. So that's our property issue and it's something I am a bit worried about if we divorce.
I know why I am not on the deed or the mortgage. I have excellent but very limited credit (one card). I am not from here originally so I haven't established a huge amount of credit. Anyway, it was a no brainer. I didn't want to risk not being able to buy a house on account of being a financial burden.
For the past 18 months DH has wanted my elderly mother to sell her house and live with us, giving us the proceeds from her sale in return for looking after her for the rest of her life. She is 80. My mother isn't sure she wants to do this. She also has my other siblings to consider. Basically, DH has said if she doesn't buy in with us, then she can no longer come to stay on extended visits (she comes from the States for about 3 months at a time). It's been hurtful to process this and my thinking is that now that it's dawning on him that he won't be getting a chunk of money from my mother to pay for our house, he is losing interest in me... or at least, I have become a liability. He couldn't make it more clear that he resents supporting me and his stepchild. He is ok with our two kids but not with my child from my first marriage. It's sad to be part of a cliche I never envisioned when we first met.
I am rambling but honestly, I can't see the forest for the trees. I am only guessing that my mother not buying in with us is a reason he's gone off me. We don't talk about any issues. We can't. Everything and I mean everything becomes an argument. My son and I just avoid engaging with him. I cook, I clean, I look after the house, the kids... I honestly do my part and I do earn my keep for sure. But every day is a battle ground. When I hear the key in the lock in the evening, my heart sinks. Having him home for the long weekend has been so heavy on all of us. He just must have his way at all times and there is no middle ground, no compromise. I feel so trapped, so lonely and so afraid. I would walk tomorrow if I could, but I have so little money of my own and nowhere to go. I don't want to destabilise the kids either and just do a runner. I want to plan this well so that it's not too terribly traumatic.
Where do I begin? Many thanks for reading.