Lost my partner to drugs.

[SomeScarsNeverFade]

I have schizoaffective disorder which is schizophrenia and bipolar 1 and I am a severe abuse victim, I was sexually abused age 8-9 my first boyfriend sexually abused me age 13-15 and my husband physically and emotionally abused me age 17-26. So all my boyfriends have abused me, except the one I just lost to drugs.

I wasn't allowed to leave the house when I was with my husband and wasn't allowed friends but I be honest I do smoke weed and used to be allowed to go to a dealers house to collect. I spent three years in a psychotic depression unable to leave the bed for more than half hour.

When I was going back and for the dealers house I made a friend I'll call him friend A at first I just chatted for ten minutes when picking up, we were texting loads he did ask for sex but I said no, then he introduced me to his best friend who I'll call friend B they were born two weeks apart and grew up next door so very close.

Friend B has schizophrenia we grew close and even though my husband was punishing me for going out I kept going and I was managing to stay out longer and longer with friend B. He understood my illness completely and he helped me take steps to the point I was spending whole days out of bed. Because of all the abuse and my mum neglecting me I never allowed myself to love anyone but my dad(sadly no longer here) but I realised that slowly I had fallen in love with friend B. Friend B confessed to loving me and had been begging me for weeks to leave my abusive husband.

So I went home and told my husband I was leaving, he locked me in the house and took my phone. As friend B was ringing I managed to snatch the phone and scream come get me before my husband took it.

I be honest friend B was a professional boxer and does have a violent criminal record and so my husband was scared and left this was September Friend B came and got me and all my stuff and I moved in with him.

He was living with friend A. But neither me or friend A were down as living there. Anyway I started going out with friend B. I loved him to pieces where before I'd self harm daily and make weekly suicide attempts that all stopped and I was happy, even though none of my family were speaking to me for leaving my husband I was truly happy.

Then 6 weeks ago I had a bad day and took a overdose while my new partner was out for the day. By the time he came home I was fine and obviously hadn't taken enough I was scared of being admitted so didn't want to ask for new meds cus then they would know but at the same time I needed meds.

My partner who takes the same anti psychotic said he had spare so he gave me two weeks worth.

The following day we found out my husband had found me and grassed me and friend A up for living with my Dp. So there was no choice but for me and friend A to leave.

As friend A had no where to go and my mum would only take me in, even though my dp begged me while crying to go home and leave friend A to fend for himself. But I couldn't leave him on the streets alone so I didnt.

After a week I collapsed and was taken to hospital it was discovered I was pg but miss carrying even though it was bad timing my dp and me were very upset my mum took me home and I left friend A. That was 9 days ago well Since then I noticed a change in my dp he wouldn't meet up in person, or speak on phone he would only text.

2 days ago he broke down and told me he can't be with me anymore because he has to go to rehab and it's far away, I asked what drug and he said he has only told his mam and dad this but he owed me the truth so he confessed it was heroin.

I asked why and he said he isn't blaiming me because it's not my fault it was all his choices and that's what led him here, he said he didn't have two weeks spare meds he gave me his own and went on a episode that combined with how stressed he was at me on the streets was why he started, then after I collapsed he said it took over him and now he has to go rehab.

I haven't slept since and I haven't stopped crying, the thought of my beautiful man putting that filthy shit in his body is killing me. I love him so much he kept saying he was sorry he let me down and sorry it has to end like this.

I'm broken everytime I have a problem I am halfway through typing it out to him before I remember. He is the only man not to abuse me, if I was mentally ill he would carry me and a cover into the living room put the music on for me and get me snacks and do all the cleaning, he would talk me down when I was unwell, I miss him so much. He may not be perfect and yes he has a dark side but he has never treated me with anything other than kindness and respect.

Love, I'm so sorry, life can be very cruel and unfair.

Your DP will come out of rehab clean from heroin in a few weeks.
I hope he then feels strong enough to support you again.

Best wishes to you.

X

This is such a complicated situation that I really don't know what to advise other than to contact your mental health team if you feel you're not coping. Have you got anyone you can talk to?

Keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.

Sending you strength and positive thoughts. X

I am absolutely devastated doubly so as he is the only person over than my dad I love and the reason I don't have my dad anymore is I lost him when I was 15 to amphetamine abuse. Not only that but part of the reason I let myself trust this man is because he was protective just like my dad and he took care of me like my dad. I am sat here thinking God if there is one must have a sick sense of humour.

Some, this all sounds really sad, but it also sounds very unhealthy/destructive and perhaps its better if you are out of each others lives as hard as that will be for you.

I dont believe he took the Heroin because of giving you his medication and its amazing how quickly this rehab has been found for him.

I think you would both be better away from each other.

Can you access any help?

Bless you love. What a horrible time you're having.

Am I right in thinking he was on the heroin for 6 weeks? If so, then that's good news. It won't have become an intrinsic part of his life yet. Meaning his chances of staying drug-free when he gets out of re-hab are really, really good. So he will come back to you.

And a big resounding yes to talking to your local mental health team. Do you have their crisis number? Are you taking your meds? If you're still feeling so utterly depressed (completely understandable) perhaps they could do with some adjustment from your mental health worker. Will you ask them what they think about that? (sorry for all the questions) I understand it can sometimes be a bit daunting speaking to them. DH gets nervous about it. He has a very similar diagnosis to yourself.

How's your relationship with your mum? Can you tell her how your feeling?

Lastly, please give yourself some self care. Nice food, cuddly blankets. I'm so sorry you've had to go through all this.

He has known about the rehab for longer than he told me he couldn't bring himself to tell me I didnt ask how long he known. Also because he has a social worker and a probation officer things tend to move quickly for him I know cus when I met him him and friend A we're living in I'm not sure of the name a hostel. Basically they had a permanent room that was in a building for homeless people and his name moved through the queue really quick in comparison.

Yes I'm taking my meds I be honest I'm so unwel right now I have three letters and they are all hospital appointments but I can't take in what they say but I know they are important so have taken to carrying them everywhere in a carrier bag.

There is a appointment with my psychiatrist in that bag I'll give them to my mum.

Things with my mum are strained and every chance I get I sleep on a friends sofa I don't like going home. My cpn is going to try and get me a social worker so I can get a house quicker.

The important thing; OP, is that your DP has asked for and is getting treatment.

Are you looking after yourself? That is another way you can help him.

Keep talking to your CPN - she/he's there to help you.

Your appointment letters - can you scan them into a computer, so you've got another copy? If not possible to scan, write the name, phone number, whereabouts and date down. Or take photocopies, at the library. Just so you have the info in a couple of places. Might relieve your worries about losing the info they contain.

I'm so sorry you're living somewhere that you don't like going back to. Remember, you are strong. You put up with the shit that life throws at us. Whilst dealing with a diagnosis.

Offering you a hand to hold.

He has been using heroin for six weeks? Is that correct? If so it is unheard of in the two counties I have worked in as part of a substance misuse team to send someone to rehab. It simply would not happen.
Apologies if I have the wrong end of the stock.

Thanks all, I'm trying to get on my feet but it's hard because even though I own half a house we don't have much equity about 5000 I asked for my husband to give me half the equity and I sign over the house, then I could use that money to get a private rent and some cheap furniture and get on my feet. But stbxh says if I try and get any money out of the house he will force me to pay half of a loan he recently took out of 10000 in his name only. He said cus we are married half his debt is mine, I'm annoyed at that as I didn't want him to take out the loan and he spent all the money on himself.

My husband has a good job and my dp is on enhanced rate pip like me and low rate mobility and is on sickness like me so comparatively we were poor and yet I was happier than I have ever been with do even though we were usually skint.

Dp doesn't want me to wait as he doesn't want me to put my life on hold cus he doesn't know how long before he feels clean enough to have another go with me, but he said if I'm single when he's ready he will ask me out but if I have moved on he said we just be friends. But I don't plan on finding someone new I'm just gonna focus on getting back on my feet and getting my mental illness under control.

To clarify:someone would have needed a much longer period of using with a succession of community based interventions tried first before rehab could be offered.

Miraclequestion my head is all over the place and time means very little to me when I'm unwel so my dates could be way off as I have been unwell since the day I left, plus I didn't ask how long he has been using I was a bit too distraught to ask many questions.

I understand. I'm glad he is addressing this on that case. Affected others can often get support whilst a loved one is on treatment with a service too. Maybe your local team might offer that service for you. Very best of luck to you both.

Thanks miraclequestion I will see what help is available for me.

Seconding what Miracle says: I am sorry but it simply does not add up that he would have been offered rehab after six weeks of using. Six weeks is barely enough to have a proper habit and it can take years for long term users to get rehab.

Sorry to say this but I suspect he is massively downplaying the scale of his habit. He may be a nice guy and he may have feelings for you but at the end of the day he is a junky. Treat what he says with extreme caution and be wary when he gets out.

OP's DP's parents may have paid for private treatment for him.

If he had only been using a short time it would be highly unlikely he would have met the clinical threshold regardless of who is paying. But the OP has explained that her timescales may be out etc so if he is in rehab it would be highly likely he is a poly drug user with complex needs who has been using for a very long time.

"But stbxh says if I try and get any money out of the house he will force me to pay half of a loan he recently took out of 10000 in his name only. He said cus we are married half his debt is mine"

Well, he's totally and utterly wrong about that! If the debt is an unsecured one, that is not secured on the property you co-own, and it's solely in his own name, then that debt has fuck-all to do with you. It doesn't make any difference that you're married to him.

Now, how you get your equity out of the property is more complicated if he's not willing to co-operate. It could mean going to court to force a sale and the cost of that could eat up all your share of the equity.

Under the circs I would advise you to sit tight and deal with all the other difficult stuff first, and re-visit the house equity when you're more stable if at all possible.

He confessed to also using energy, meow meow and amphetamine. I just said heroin as that was the worst but he has been on numerous drugs, which does fit he was messaging me at odd times like 4 in the morning, and I noticed I didn't see him for a while and then when I did I noticed he had lost about 2 stone friend A said the same.

Bitterandonlyslightlytwisted thank you I'm thinking about seeing a solicitor to get my head straight about what I want from mediation.

And I'm sure you're aware of this, but smoking weed exacerbates psychosis. Best to leave it alone.