walking on Easter eggshells

[whatisforteamum]

Just when i thought things couldnt get worse the whole back fence and 2 gates fell down in the winds,a team member left giving me more work over Easter and someone dubiously phoned in sick.Our DD went on hols so i asked DH if he could sleep in her room as i hadnt slept in bed in yrs 12 downstairs on cushions in a makeshift bed.This meant i could sleep comfortably then wake up early enough to get a bath and put my clothes out ready for work (he has 4 days off).
he repaired the fence which i lavished praise on him.We decided to go out sun but i was beyond exhausted and he wasnt happy.i apologised and fell asleep twice during the day the joys of a physical job.
Dh made tea for us and DS while i slept.
When i asked if he could still get a sofabed and take it in turns he went nuts
ranting he would get an effing bed and sleep in the effing bed and not to worry !! I have slept downstairs for 12 yrs as getting 2 singles wouldnt stop me hearing him snore.I even have ear plugs.
So i asked him about a hol i booked for this month and could we go away for a night as promised to a B and B .This brought on eye rolling and he said if i didnt go out this sun why would i then.I explained having 4 days off i would have more energy than just the 1,he just started on about the men he golfs with are going on a 3 day weekend next week and golf is the weekend i booked off this happened last yrbut he apologised for not missing 1 and doing something with me and dcs.
I was reassurred that this yr would be different but he made it plain he would rather golf.I would rather walk on a beach for the 1st time in 6 yrs even just for a day.
I cant see how we can go on tbh and i feel like im going mad with DF so ill (seemed ok this week).I did speak to Dh about asking for more antidepressants as his temper has returned i just think its how he is now
a changed person to the considerate one ive known for 28 yrs.ok mostly.
I dont have a clue what to do next as i canttake time off work as we have new boss who admits he will manage out people he doesnt want and we are short as someone left.Sorry for the essay....I really feel trapped :(

a changed person to the considerate one ive known for 28 yrs.

A considerate partner doesn't make their spouse sleep on the settee for 12 years because they can't be bothered to sort out their snoring.

My ex snored like crazy. We tried ear plugs, a white noise machine, a humidifier (which did help) but finally I had to drag him to the docs (after recording him on my phone to make him realize the volume - at one point it was up to 75 db!) and he was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and had to wear a CPAP mask at night. That fixed it.

Your H sounds very entitled and selfish. It must be very draining to live with.

we have new boss who admits he will manage out people he doesnt want

This is know as constructive dismissal and would get him in a lot of hot water at a tribunal... just saying.

hi i thought that when someone phoned in ill AGAIN he said dont worry i will be observing people and i will manage out the ones i dont want.I pointed out my unblemished 11 yrs of loyalty and anytime off will be when DF dies.Thats all i need a 3rd bully.I did look Acas at rights and anyone trying that on me will get taken to a tribuanal ive done it before. x

Yep, it's your H that's the problem though OP.

Ditto pocket A considerate partner doesn't make their spouse sleep on the settee for 12 years because they can't be bothered to sort out their snoring

Can you agree with this?

i suppose when things were going wrong the dcs were v young and i cant afford my own place and didnt want to bring them up alone so i took the compromise,a lesser of 2 evils.
The last few yrs ive gone on and on about taking turns and now his personality has changed too i resent him in a comfy bed watching tv.Then i have to wait until 9 am to get in the bedroom on the w end to get dressed and dry my hair,

I am trying to sort it out now as im working much harder and i dont want to sleep on the floor when df passes away and im heartbroken.I dont think its fair,
The fact he is admitting he would rather golf than go away with me for 2 days is sad.I havent had a hol in 12 yrs i may ask our DD if she would like to go somewhere on the train than go with dh who is doing it begrudgingly.

There are quite complex issues going on here. However, please don't feel that you can ONLY go away on holiday if your husband goes along, I think a train or coach holiday sounds great. You could have a few days away, get some real peace and relaxation, a bed to yourself and you could do as you please for a few days. It would do you the world of good.

Hey day i agree before the ds exam time is upon us or Df gets worse (or dms cancer returns) im coming to that conclusion i may never return ha ha away from shift work and shouty man :) sigh

Let him play golf...take the kids and go to the beach.

And why hasn't he sorted his snoring? You can stay in a B&B with him if his snoring is that bad!

There seems to be a lot if asking your DH here...you need to start teeing him.

I got a bit confused about the work issue...maybe that should be a separate thread.

predictive text not sure what teeing is i would hope he would want a mini break after all we ve been through and im not sure why you would live with someone you cant see as i work quite a few w ends and eves.Agree about the b and b and snoring though.I really wish his temper was better as it is so hard to take and explosive the last thing i need.I love my job but not sure about the being observed under pressure part.

Well 'teeing' means telling your 'D'H I should think.

I wonder if his golf mates will rag him about snoring? That would be justice.

Do look into a trip with DD she and you might both benefit from time away together.

yes donkeys my DD who is nearly 18 made visiting DF in hospital more "fun" as she is a bubbly positive girl who just needs to find a job !She is away at the mo and asked how dads moods are (sad).