How do you get past finding you DH irritating once you've got to that point?

[BumgrapesofWrath]

Just that really.

When me and DH got together, and for a good many years we were very happy. I used to feel quite smug thinking that we had it nailed.

Nearly 10 years later, and after having two kids, I feel almost constantly irritated by him. The things I used to love and admire about him now drive me mad.

I feel like I'm playing along a lot of the time, and I'm really trying to make the effort.

I would like to point out that I don't think he or his behaviour has changed at all. He certainly isn't a bad person.

I'm just wondering is this a point that some relationships come to? Do things improve with time? Sometimes, after a day with the children I almost can't be bothered or have the energy to deal with him (he's not high maintenance though.)

The physical side of the relationship has also gone to rat shit. We have sex once or twice a month, usually when I have my ovulation horn, any other time I really don't want it (and evidently, neither does he as this hasn't been an issue for him.)

It's not like I want another man either, or that I think the grass is greener, certainly not!

I could never have foreseen feeling like this about him, I was absolutely besotted with him.

I'm not sure what I'm really asking here, but help!

I came on to say what OP describes is normal and quite common in long term relationships, ime. We've been together 26 years and I am so glad we pushed through the "irritated" periods. The dc have now left home for uni and I feel incredibly lucky that we will be spending the rest of our lives together.

However SweetMuffins your situation sounds awful. You need to do something to help yourself be happier.

sweet-muffins - So sorry- your situation sounds awful - you probably need to get out of it.

OP - consensus seems to be to give it a bit of time to see if you get improvement

I have been married 20 years and overall still feel loving and affectionate towards my husband and he to me. But we both get stressed out sometimes and no doubt have irritating habits. One he has just started is rattling things deliberately as he carries them from kitchen to living room and vice versa. I haven't mentioned it to him, perhaps I will if it keeps annoying me.

I loved hearing the sound of him breathing next to me though as we just had a lie in this Easter Monday morning.

Thanks everyone!

Just ordered Mating in Captivity, thanks kikiliki.

Suggestions of more time for me might have hit the nail on the head a bit - I was spending a bit of time doing a hobby a few months ago, but that's ended. Maybe I need to start it up again.

Someone brought up "blame culture" and I think that is something that is 100% my problem. It's no excuse, but my DM is a blamer, and I find in my more tired, irritated moments that I turn into that person... Will try harder!

I think looking back to what we first liked about each other will help. I must admit, sometimes I forget...

I do agree with the shagging him more thing - I have found once we've been intimate we are both happier and nicer to be around. It's just finding the desire from somewhere. When I was young I had what most people would call a high sex drive, and I couldn't feel further away from there. If there was a pill I could take to make me randy, I think I'd take it at this point.

I don't feel I fancy him as much as I used to, and I am honing in on physical qualities that I'm not keen on at the moment, but I think that's down to my irritation rather than it actually being about how he looks - I know deep down that my sexual desire has very little to do with how somebody looks.

My two DCs are both pre-school age, and the oldest is four. I must admit I'm finding the four-year old much harder than any other stage of his life! I find it much more exhausting than the terrible twos. I think because I've always been able to deal with the physical side of parenting, but now it's got more emotional, and seems like a bit of a minefield, so I find that I'm now mentally exhausted by it.

I think what doesn't help at the moment is we both think we're the tiredest and we both think we're doing more than our fair share around the house. It's turned into a bit of resentment.

It has been really nice to read that it's normal from many posters. I'm not sure I know what "normal" is relationship wise, so it's good to hear other people's stories.

Today I'm going to compliment him and be nice to him and make the effort and see where that takes us...

And sorry to hear about your situation sweetmuffins - I wish I had some advice to give you!

It's great that you're sounding more positive. Hope you have a good day.

I am so with you, OP - I just started my own thread here before someone kindly pointed me to yours.

I don't honestly know which side of the rescuable or not balance I am right now. His breathing is pretty bloody annoying but I am not quite ready to kill him because it would make too much mess

He has just announced he is not coming with us on holiday next week - I have told him he will be explaining that one to the DC himself if he goes through with it. I am fed up to the back teeth of trying to "normalise" Daddy being grumpy and generally distant.

I think I may have just been tipped over the edge. While I was not there, he has told the DC that I don't like him any more and I that I don't want him to go on holiday with us

Yikes, that's not on, is it? Sounds like there's a lot going on with your DH - do you want to save it?

Honestly? I don't know. I wish I did. Splitting up would have major implications for work as well as what it would do to the DC but I can no longer tell if it is that or the fact that it may be salvageable which makes me reluctant to make that decision.