DCs still not used to separation 1 year on.

[TickledOnion]

I'm not sure if this is normal or not and whether it's actually a problem.

ExH and I separated over a year ago. DC's now aged 3 & 5 still talk about/draw our family as mummy, daddy, DC1 and DC2. I guess that's fairly normal.

They still ask why we can't do stuff together or why for example I didn't go to Ex-BIL's party. I just say that we now do things separately and that way they get to do twice as many fun things.

If I say how much I love them they'll say "and you love daddy as well don't you". I say that we are just friends now but DD1 argues that I love him as I'm his wife. I have said that he or I might get married to someone else or have a bf/gf. DD1 thinks that is very odd.

If they make a wish they say they want daddy to live in our house.

They see him a lot and we have stayed civil/friendly in front of them.

Is it just a matter of time? I believe that they think ExH's gf is just a friend. I wonder if it would help for them to know he has a gf?

Watching this with interest as I am separating from H at the moment and reaction of DD (4) is my biggest concern.

My feeling is they may just be doing this out of habit as much as anything else and it doesn't necessarily mean they are traumatised by it. But will wait to hear from others who have been through the same thing.

When I got divorced my GP warned me that kids want their parents to be together. Even 20 years down the road.
My kids don't anymore but that's cos their Dad is such a total arse that they have chosen to stop seeing him.

Thanks for replying. It might just be a habit. They seem very happy and don't get upset when they say these things. I guess they can't see why we aren't together as we get on ok and nothing has changed as far as they can tell.

Not all kids want their parents to stay together. I was eight when mine split and it was a real relief.

I think it's probably normal, it sounds like you're saying the right things, and they'll gradually adjust if they're happy otherwise.
DSD is 11 and has never known her parents together as they split before she was one. Even so, up until the age of about 8 she'd say things like, "I wish we all lived together - daddy and mummy and runaway and [mummy's DP]", which was a bit awkward, but she always seemed very relaxed about how things actually were.

My DCs are now 15 and 18, their dad and I split when they were 4 & 6. They can't really remember us being together and they both say they think its 'weird' to think we ever were. We stayed amicable, which I think helped, they were never pawns or asked to pick favourites.
I think Wally's GP is definitely over generalising, my parents stayed together for my sake and I do not thank them for it one bit. I hated being in the house with them and they both wasted 10 years of their lives trying for something I didn't even want. The atmosphere was toxic and oppressive. I was 14 when they finally split and I can remember the relief, my home was so much happier after they separated.
I think if you carry on being honest with them and continue to explain that you do things separately now but continue to love them both, they will come to accept the situation and any new relationships you have. As they go through school they will also realise that their friends have separated parents and stepfamilies and that this is also absolutely normal.