My ex is having a baby with another woman and I'm shocked.

[LucieMay88]

I was with my ex for 4 years. I thought he would be the person that I'd marry, he told me again and again that he had never loved anyone as much as me and that he could see us marrying and having children together. Then out of the blue he just stopped caring, was very distant, said it wasn't working and it couldn't be fixed. I didn't even know why, he just ended it abruptly and cut contact.

This happened a few months ago. I know he's moved on. He started seeing a woman who was separated from her husband straight after we broke up and had photos of them together plastered over Facebook (after deleting all the photos of us, erasing every trace.) She is now pregnant with his baby and all her family are so happy and are saying what a lovely man he is.

I can't believe it. I just feel sick. It sounds stupid but it's like she's stolen the life I thought we'd have together. Just feel numb, especially as I had no closure. It doesn't feel real that he's going to have a baby with someone else.

After you broke up? Doubt that. A few months and shes pregnant enough for everyone to know......doesnt add up.

Well assuming she's about 3 months, she got pregnant around Christmas time. He broke up with me in September so I don't think he got her pregnant while with me. It's still a short time frame though, from meeting to having a baby together. I can't believe this is happening.

I bet she was on the scene more than a few months....

Op he wasn't who you thought he was. Don't torture yourself by looking and reading about it all on FB etc.

She didnt steal your happy life, it was his choice. I agree with madreloco, maybe he was dating her already. But that is not important: focus on moving on. He was no good for you. He wasted four years of your life. Dont let him waste one more second.

You have closure all right - that's about as closed as it is possible to be!

I'd agree with others that him changing 'out of the blue' almost certainly coincided with him meeting or starting a relationship with this woman. It is normal for you to feel so bad, but also it is time after six months to get him off your FB feed and out of your head. You may need to hide any friends who still have him as a 'friend' as well. It's an awful cliche to get a good haircut and get out into the world and start doing stuff, but it's a cliche for a good reason. You still have your own future and only you are responsible for it.

I went through a nigh on identical situation Lucie, it hurt badly, actually I still get a bitter taste in my mouth thinking about him. If it is at all possible I would block all contact with them, it will only make it feel worse.
Just remind yourself that you deserve better than the way he has made you feel, concentrate on you and do whatever it takes to forget him

You said a few months, sept is seven to eight months, not a few. She hasnt stolen your life, he didnt want that life with you. Time to stop following them online and find someone who does want it, for your own good. Best of luck.

It sounds to me as though she was the reason you broke up….

But yes, mad is right. Facebook is terrible for things like this, it makes it so hard to let go and move on, but you have a choice to keep following them online and wallowing in their life together, or you can block him and move on. You will feel so much better once you do.

Something similar happened to me - its horrible and unkind and cruel. Bot you can get over it.

You need to detach completely and absolutely - get him off your FB. Don't go there. And consider detaching from any mutual friends. He is of no interest to you. Get yourself out there and get yourself a new life. Don't waste another second moping over that tosser. He is not who you thought he was.

Poor you. This sounds very hurtful. What a monster moving on so quickly and his new woman pregnant already. I'd suspect she had been on the scene for a while. Rather than he didn't know her before you split up. He isn't a lovely man. I agree he's a tosser.

You have my sympathy OP. Having been in a similar situation, I get how horrible it is. In my case, my ex got together with a girl in our circle of friends VERY soon after he'd broken up with me, citing his reasons as 'not wanting to be in a relationship right now'. It was shocking, hurtful and humiliating. After only a few months, I got the strong impression from mutual friends that I was meant to be over it. I felt I wasn't entitled to my feelings or allowed to grieve for our relationship.

Ultimately I cut all contact, moved to a different city (which had been on the cards anyway) and seven years on, I'm happily married and expecting my first child. So it does get easier and better. But speaking honestly, it took me a long time to get over it. I plunged back into the dating scene waaay too soon, and ended up hurting other people.

My advice would be: give your grief and anger room. Don't dwell on timescales of when they may or may not have hooked up; that's irrelevant and unhelpful to you. Take good care of yourself. Put it into perspective and focus on the bigger picture. Take time to be just you, and don't use another man to boost your confidence. And yes, go no contact in every way you can.

Also, try not to hate. Right now you might be, and it's entirely understandable. But even though people do bad things to each other in the name of love and relationships, it doesn't always make them bad people, IYSWIM? I look back now and treasure the great times I had with my ex. Yes, he fell for another woman and that really sucked. But he's still with her, which makes me believe it was all meant to be - and I wouldn't have met my DH if he hadn't finished things!

The very best of luck to you xxx