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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Are 'joking' death threats

35 replies

Girl33 · 05/04/2015 20:12

A sign of emotional abuse?
As in husband joking he's going to murder me and cut me into pieces.
I know I'm still counting the signs and deciding whether or not to leave but this knocked me for six.

OP posts:
Quiero · 05/04/2015 20:14

Yes...I think that's really horrible actually. Especially if he is abusive in other ways too.

pinkfrocks · 05/04/2015 20:14

I think we need a bit more info.

Is this said half jokingly or deadly ( ha ha) seriously?

I have been known to say to DH that I will murder him and put him in the freezer, but I don't mean it.

Does your DH and what provokes his comments?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 05/04/2015 20:14

If it's designed to make you uneasy/anxious/worried/nervous/terrified then yes, it is abuse. Doesn't sound funny to me, it must cause you a great deal of stress Sad

I hope you're OK Sad Thanks

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 20:15

That sounds horrible to me. What was the context?

notasillysausage · 05/04/2015 20:16

Jesus Christ.
I'm sorry but that has just given me serious chills. Judging from your last sentence your relationship is not good, even if it was a perfect relationship that sentence would chill me to the bone and I would find it difficult to get over.
Are you scared of him? Are you safe? Please take care of yourself Flowers

Original poster
Girl33 · 05/04/2015 20:17

One of our kids asked where I was going to be when they were grown up.. He said I would be dead because he had killed me. Then said he would chop me up. It really shocked me he's never said anything like that. He's a gas lighter and verbally abusive (putting me down all the time). I don't feel threatened but it made me feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 05/04/2015 20:18

It's truly awful tbh. not funny and not on and a veiled threat that you had better not leave him or else.

Losingmyreligion · 05/04/2015 20:19

I think you know the answer to your question.

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 20:20

Shheeezz. He said that to one of your DCs? How old are they?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 05/04/2015 20:20

He said that in front of your daughter? Shock

BathtimeFunkster · 05/04/2015 20:20

He said that to your child?!

Jesus.

I'm in my 30s and I would be seriously weirded out if my Dad said that about my mother, and he would definitely be joking.

notasillysausage · 05/04/2015 20:21

I'm front of your kids?? Poor them and poor you.
He is showing utter contempt and no respect for the mother of his children. Do you have support in place to leave him? Are you ready to take that step?

gatewalker · 05/04/2015 20:21

If he's already a gaslighter and verbally abusive, then he is further revealing his feelings. I'd take them seriously -- not so much as a threat to kill you, necessarily, but rather as a metaphor for his dismissal of you.

Please act accordingly.

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 20:24

I'm inferring from your OP that there's a lot to this. Are you preparing to leave him?

Original poster
Girl33 · 05/04/2015 20:26

I'm not sure. There are periods that are worse than others. I feel like I'm drowning waiting for any kind of affection at all. I'm only 24 and not ready to leave yet. I don't even know if I will I just think about it a lot.

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 20:27

So the children are young?

FlyingPirate · 05/04/2015 20:28

What a horrid thing to say, especially to a child. He may not mean it but it's a very sinister thing to say and I agree that it shows his dismissal of you

Original poster
Girl33 · 05/04/2015 20:36

He has two from his first marriage and we share custody. We have a baby together. I feel like I'm waiting for a tiny sliver of affection. Everybody thinks we are the perfect couple but they don't know what he's like. To him I have a big nose, big bum, I can't do anything. My hair changed postpartum and he told me that there was nothing special about me without my curls. He denies he says all these things.

OP posts:
EndlessHope09 · 05/04/2015 20:37

I'm in an EA relationship and my DH wouldn't dare say something like that. It is one of those things he can say you're overeacting to if you question him. They like making you feel like you have the issue, I just wish I didn't question myself just like you do. It's good to come on here and sound things out OP

Haggisfish · 05/04/2015 20:37

Please just leave him.

cozietoesie · 05/04/2015 20:37

Would you have a place to go etc if you left?

trackrBird · 05/04/2015 20:48

There is no scenario in which saying that would be OK. In front of children is worse than ever.

I'll have to be blunt. Don't wait for a sliver of affection, or for anything. Get help, and get yourself out of there.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 05/04/2015 21:01

Girl33, there will be lots of things that are special about you, even if you no longer have curly hair. I hope you know that...?

AnyFucker · 05/04/2015 21:36

You need to ask this in the context of the other info ?

Please call women's aid and make an exit plan with their help

Crossfitmyarse · 05/04/2015 21:39

Fucking hell. He sounds a charmer. Hmm