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Original poster

Does anyone else have an introverted DP? How do you split parenting?

15 replies

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 17:48

My DP is a brill Dad until he reaches his limit of being with people. You can almost watch his 'batteries' going flat. Unfortunately this happens within a few hours - leaving me to pick up most of the work for most of the day. He does try and keep going but just ends up really short tempered. Has anyone else got a similar situation? How do you cope with it?

OP posts:

MadamG · 05/04/2015 18:31

I'm an introvert so I can see things from your Dps perspective! Do his batteries drain when he only has the dcs I assume you are not referring to when he is around others? Can he do stuff like take them swimming? Practice catch? Bike rides?? I find these things easier than other forms of play and can give my partner a break whilst we go out and do quiet but tireing things? I also do more than my fair share of house work to compensate. Can you suggest if he can't do kids stuff he has to do house work?

Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 18:37

No, he is a proper introvert - batteries drain with anyone even dearly loved friends and family. DS is particularly hardgoing because he is a constant chatterbox. I adore him but find him draining as well. But not having 50% from my DP even when we are both off is maddening!

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Orangeanddemons · 05/04/2015 18:45

Can't he focus on mornings, and y.ou focus on afternoons? I'm an introvert, and my batteries have run down by about 3.00pm.

Dh is also an introvert but is an owl, so he just getting into his stride about 3.00pm, when I'm flagging. It works for us

Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 18:55

Good suggestions, both. I am a bit of an introvert, so I do get it. But I work at home alone a lot, which really works for me so I often have more juice in the batteries!

DP is a morning person, so he does the school run but is flagging by after lunchtime on school hols. I am also a morning person but am prepared to just suck up the afternoon shift if need be! At the moment I have a very grouchy DP and a hyperactive DS which doesn't feel like much of a holiday.

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MadamG · 05/04/2015 19:06

Can you focus on strengths, what stuff can he do that helps the family and gets him through the day?

whitsernam · 05/04/2015 19:09

Would it help for him to get a nap after lunch? It might help DS, too!! Or could he just sit and read for a good half hour, to get his peace and quiet time? Lots of people have to do this.....

Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 19:11

That's a great suggestion. He is often very good at physical play like swimming (that's usually their Sat am thing). It's also good quality time. Otherwise he does tend to just turn the telly on and play with his phone (which we all do a bit but hours and hours of it just looks like opting out to me)

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Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 19:16

Sitting and reading....hmmm...I suspect DS may have ADHD...(not joking). He doesn't do quiet ANYTHING EVER. Can't even sit still to eat - constant squirmer. I timed how long it took in between Mummmmyyyy calls today and it was...twenty seconds. It really is exhausting and relentless anyway and so much so for DP.But this does mean I rarely get a break.It really is taking a toll on me and on our relationship.

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whitsernam · 05/04/2015 19:36

when my two were small I used to insist on 30 minutes of "quiet time" after lunch. Each DC in their bedroom alone, I took a nap. They knew if they kept me awake, they would be in there a lot longer than 30 min. Kids can learn to do this, and yes, one had ADHD, certified. Adults need time-outs!

Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 19:58

Please, please tell me Whitsernam HOW you managed that? My DS can barely wait 30 seconds for attention unless the TV is on. It does my head in!

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comedancing · 05/04/2015 20:05

My sisinlaw always insisted on kids going to own rooms alone after lunch for a half hour. She found it hard to cope and seemed to really need that break..he kids were a bit demanding but they always went..sort of routine after a while. My kids knew if they were there they would have to do it too..they accepted that. Kids can play in there lie on bed and dream.. Read etc but not come out.

liveloveluggage · 05/04/2015 20:11

We both have this problem of being introverted, luckily dd is quite introvert too and now she is older likes her quiet time too, but when she was little she was very clingy and I did more than my share and sometimes resorted to t.v a bit too often. I regret this now, so if I was caring for a small child again esp one like your ds I wouldn't do that but would put other strategies in place to get that quiet time I need.

StaceyAndTracey · 05/04/2015 20:17

I'm an introvert so I get it

But watching TV and going on his phone while you do childcare isn't on . There's plenty else he can do - housework, gardening, DIY, laundry, food shopping, cooking , tidying, clearing out stuff

None of these have to involve a small chattering child

I have to say that if my head was sore with noisy kids, the last thing I'd want to do is watch TV

Original poster

ocelot41 · 05/04/2015 20:25

Sorry, probs wasnt clear, he often just puts TV on for our DS and then sits and plays with his phone. Which is fine for let's say the duration of a movie - I am not a purist. But not over and over again!

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whitsernam · 05/04/2015 20:55

It sounds like you could use help from people on the SN board for how to deal with your DS. It just came naturally to me to make mine wait and be polite, which helped with things like the after lunch quiet time as well. Anyone would be worn down by a constantly demanding child, and they really do not need constant immediate attention - so I think advice for SN children could help you a lot! and Good Luck! I do know it is not easy, but you have to start now, as teenagers are more trouble.

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