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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of going it alone

2 replies

mikado1 · 05/04/2015 14:41

My oh and I have now not spoken more than a few civil words in 3 weeks. He has always found it hard/impossible to speak about hisffeelings and I have just gotten so annoyed with the silent treatment that I have joined him. It all feels very stressful and tense. We have a 3yo and I am pregnant so I am distraught at the thought of the future but also find myself thinking of the realities and practicalities of being on my own. The reason for the first silence is often forgotten but we can't seem to get ourselves back from it..I have tried 3/4 times to speak about it in last few weeks and told him he needs to but I get 'what do you want me to say?' Or'ggive it a rest'. I know he thinks we should make up by having sex and get over it ie not bother talking about it but this type of thing keeps recurring-including the him wanting sex when I have zero interest with someone who won't open up to me. He can get very angry/moody and fly off the handle and I cannot stand this. He promised three months ago he would get help for this but has done nothing. He is extremely defensive of any slight criticism, the equivalent of which I would just apologise for, and I know he thinks I am hyper critical and niggly over ds. I probably have been negative the last few weeks cos I have given up on keeping up chatting and asking questions only to get yes/no/oh responses so am just commenting on things that were supposed to be done that weren't. Know this is lengthy but trying not to dripfeed. Just feel so lonely and uncared for and so terrified for my dc in future. Ds is crazy about his dad.

OP posts:
YvyB · 05/04/2015 18:30

I did it alone. It was very hard work and I was shattered BUT it was nowhere near as hard and exhausting as dragging a miserable, sulky dead weight along had been. No matter how much a small child 'adores' a parent, nothing can beat the warmth and security of a stable, happy home without tension and an atmosphere. Don't wait for him to 'do something about it' - you have as much power over the situation as he does. I'm not screaming 'LTB', I'm just suggesting that you might find a few sessions by yourself with a relate counsellor helps you to clarify the future you want for yourself and your dc.

You're only 50% responsible for your marriage: if your dh refuses to accept his 50%, you can't do anything about it. But you can spend a bit of time and energy investigating the best way for you to create a home in which your dcs feel safe, happy and can flourish. Good luck.

mikado1 · 05/04/2015 19:00

Thank you I know that's good advice x

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