staying together because of children (primarily anyway...)

[Mrsmopnotbucket]

Have/are any of you still married because of the children?
My husband has been meeting people for sex (although won't admit it despite all evidence) if we didn't have kids, I would be out the door without a second thought, I still love him though but can't forgive him. I know people say not to stay because of kids but it's not that easy is it? If we split I wouldn't be able to afford to live where we do now, I'd have to go back to work etc, and as I said I do love him still, just can't shake the feelings of betrayal and anger (it's been 3 months).
My question is, if you stayed because of the kids etc, did it work out? Or am
I deluded :(

Thank you all for taking the time to write back to me. I'm going to have a long think and work out lots of stuff in my head, inc a plan for if we split. I'll write back when I know how I'm going to move forward x

Best of luck op

Best of luck to you OP.
I also was a child of parents who should have divorced long before they did, it was not a good environment for my siblings and me.
Having to live with constant arguments and obvious hatred towards each other did taint my own view on relationships in my early twenties.
I can understand you don't want to walk away after 11 years but your DH does not sound like a decent man and I would hate the thought of you waiting it out for another 10 years only to be miserable x
Good Luck in whatever you decide x

Sorry I didn't read further than the first 2 posts. I have stayed with my H for the children. It has been misery, they don't even like, never mind love him, they would have been happier as far away as I could have gone. the social status & comfort is a very small reward, given the emotional & anger problems my kids have as a result of having been forced to live with an emotionally abusive father. Not to mention my wasted life.
You are deluded

If you decide to accept his pitiful selfish behavior, please please don't
get back to work asap, make yourself financially independent, it is only a matter of time before he leaves, or you wake up to his unacceptable behavior.
he is only doing it because he thinks you are too weak to refuse to accept it. it is abusive

My God, what bullshit some apparently intelligent people will accept is mind boggling.

Posting as someone who is a) going through a separation because I want more for me and my DD b) because my relationship with my mother was fatally tainted by her lack of self-respect in not leaving my father earlier.

Kids know if parents are faking it. They feel it deep down. However well you hide it, they know.

I essentially never forgave my mother for not putting her needs first. My dad was not abusive, he had affairs but loved my mum. But she was not happy, not herself, I never really knew who she was because the marriage sucked the life out of her. Although she was a very loving, kind person, there was a fakeness, a hollowness at the heart of her that I could never get past.

She is dead now. Although I understand why she did what she did and I forgive her, I will never get that back.

That is worse than divorce.

That's such a sad and insightful post newname - I can identify with it too

I've read something that says staying together for the sake of the children leads to worse outcomes for children than their parents divorcing.

Sorry - don't have a link or anything but make sure that if you stay it is right for you.