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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The date with herpes (sorry sounds a terrible subject line)....all went a bit wrong.

9 replies

creativeme · 04/04/2015 22:36

Thank you everyone for your comments from my last post about this man who told me about his herpes. I Had read so much about it, went to my GP about it and the GUM and also been on here and was keen to pursue. I know it was 3 months since I told him to leave as needed time out... but .... well after all this, he turned out to be a nightmare.

So we were getting back as being friends and just being nice to one another. He mentioned he wanted to celebrate with me tonight, when asked to see me last week via text, but tonight came and well he didnt mention anything, then asked me when I was free next and I said easter sunday/monday, he was busy. He said its been 3 months no contact.... how did I expect him to feel, it was like he was still angry. He said he wasn't sure about getting back with me either....but then mentions he is still attracted to me physically and isn't sure why....(charming I thought) only to say there are loads of things he likes but didnt want to tell me??

So....after telling me he isn't free this weekend, thats fair enough he was busy.... then he reverts to, "did you save my photos.... you know the ones.....have you got them?" only for me to think what is he on about? Then says he has been thinking of me that way again, for me to think...oh please he is just after one thing...which in the end he was when all I wanted was to see if he and i could be friends first and if it was right I would definitely go the next step with him, but we just ended up arguing again. I then say I'm done with him, only for him to say no we are just not compatible, never will be, never are....it was at that point, I thought, ok delete this number..

Im trying to build up a friendship as its hard from last time and he keeps bringing up the fact I chucked him out, but Im sorry I have never been told something like this and totally naive to it all....bad reaction from me I said I was sorry, but I was trying..I know we both initially liked one another but forever stopping and starting...

.....I always seem to feel like I am the passive one or the empathic one and he just feeds off me and never asks how I am or my day, always seems to be about him and how he feels...whats going on in his life....he always says to me. A part of me thinks, I was too nice and should have left it when it went wrong at the start...who knows!!

trying not to feel down tonight this Easter weekend but hey...

Anyway, for me he is too complicated and too draining, I just don't get him nor do I feel he really wants anything real, he hasnt had any long term relationships more so any over 1 year. I am no saint but why did I bother I ask myself!!

phew...thank you for reading....a little upset tonight....Wine anyone ;) xx

OP posts:
Allofaflumble · 04/04/2015 23:20

Just follow your instinct. Yes it does sound complicated and draining and you barely know him! You are worth a lot more so move on and be free.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/04/2015 23:30

Move on. You don't need to be friends with this man. He doesn't really want just a friend, he wants a FWB.

FriendofBill · 04/04/2015 23:34

Just stay away now and you will be over it in a couple of weeks...if you keep engaging, you will keep getting upset, and delaying your freedom from this situation.

Don't engage anymore, he's a taker.

WhatTheEel · 04/04/2015 23:41

I think you're teasing him, tbh. You don't mean to, but unwittingly your message to him is confusing. It's a mixed one. The guy fancies you. You know this. Why are you keeping him close? If he's such a jerk, why are you pushing the friendship aspect? Maybe you're unwittingly flattered by the attention/by the one-sided attraction. I sound like I'm being hard on you. But it's only because I've been there. I'd cut him loose. No friendship, nothing. It's weird now and trust me, it'll get weirder.

HappyGirlNow · 04/04/2015 23:44

Um..... What???

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 05/04/2015 00:02

It just sounds like he's trying to use the fact you didn't immediately say 'IT'S OK I DON'T CARE PLEASE HAVE SEX WITH ME' originally to guilt you now. It makes me wonder whether he ever had any real desire to give you time to decide whether you were OK with the risk (or not) of having sex with him.

Egghead68 · 05/04/2015 00:31

Just get rid.

aurynne · 05/04/2015 00:37

What exactly does this man to enhance your life either as a lover or as a friend? if the answer is "nothing", then simply cut him out of your life, no explanations or justifications needed.

pocketsaviour · 05/04/2015 12:48

Think you've dodged a bullet there, OP. Delete his number and move on! At least you've now educated yourself about herpes, so if anyone springs a similar "surprise" on you at a later date, you are more informed about how to handle it :)

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