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Original poster

Am I asexusl or just odd?

15 replies

nextstepstogo · 04/04/2015 10:23

I do have some sexual feelings and I do use a toy to bring me to orgasm but these fantasies aren't often or even always about actual sex - acts of sex but not sex as such.

Have never been in a relationship, mid-30s.

To look at I seem normal. I have a very busy lifestyle which stops me from meeting anyone anyway.

What do you think?

OP posts:
pinkfrocks · 04/04/2015 10:24

Are you a virgin?

Original poster
nextstepstogo · 04/04/2015 10:25

No, but - struggling to know how to put this - used to work as an escort so that's why. Please don't judge me; I was young and struggling.

OP posts:
JaceyBee · 04/04/2015 10:39

Just because you don't fantasise about penetrative sex doesn't mean you're asexual. Do asexual people even masturbate?

No judgement here for working as an escort. Do you believe it might have changed the way you feel about men/sex though?

SomethingAboutNothing · 04/04/2015 10:46

Well I wouldn't say you were asexual as they tend not to have any sexual desire or interest at all so wouldn't feel the desire to masterbate.

SolidGoldBrass · 04/04/2015 10:47

Are you currently happy or do you want to look for a partner? If you are happy with your life then there's no need to worry or do anything different. It's not compulsory to have a partner, or to have sex with another person rather than solo, if you're not particularly interested in doing so. How much interest people have in sex and/or romantic relationships varies considerably and as long as a person is a) not pestering other people and b) not unhappy then it's fine to deal with your libido in whatever way suits you.

ALaughAMinute · 04/04/2015 10:48

I don't think you're asexual - given that you used to work as an escort, it seems much more likely that you've had some bad experiences with men and don't want to have sex with them anymore.

SomethingAboutNothing · 04/04/2015 10:49

No judgement here either.

It sounds like it may have affected your perspective of sexual relationships though, are you attracted to people? There isn't anything wrong with not having been in a relationship, it's more common than people realise I think.

pocketsaviour · 04/04/2015 10:54

nextstep my understanding is that some asexuals do masturbate and your description is similar to what I have read - the fantasy is about watching sex, for example, rather than participating.

AVEN may be of some help to you.

gatewalker · 04/04/2015 11:20

nextstepstogo - My initial question would be: are you bothered by what you write about in your OP, or are you content?

pinkfrocks · 04/04/2015 11:32

Are you worried that you don't have a partner - or that if you do you might not have sexual feelings?

I have a friend who has what I'd call a low sex drive. She doesn't need sex and says that the only time she thinks about sex is when she is emotionally involved with a man. Sex as an appetite doesn't seem to exist for her.

Allofaflumble · 04/04/2015 12:22

You can be asexual but still have a sex drive. You just don't want the contact with a male or female. This is how I understand it. You might still have sex but more as an exchange for faux love or attention.

Original poster
nextstepstogo · 04/04/2015 13:56

Thanks for your thoughts. I didn't have any bad experiences when working in the sex industry so I don't think I can 'blame' my apathy on this, although maybe it has, I don't think so though. I think working in the sex industry came easily because of my apathy: it was just something I could do easily. Thanks for understanding.

OP posts:
CheersMedea · 04/04/2015 14:16

You may be demisexual (google it for more info) - basically someone who does not feel strong sexual attraction unless they are first strongly emotionally involved.

CheersMedea · 04/04/2015 14:20

Here's an online test I found. No idea if it's any use but the questions may make you think/provoke some self analysis any way:

lonerwolf.com/demisexual-test/

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/04/2015 00:28

No you're not asexual or you'd have no desires. Hence being able to bring yourself to orgasm.
Also not wanting piv sex 6 times a day does not make you odd

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