I split with my partner of 3 years because he was lying and spending our money on drugs.
I'm not entirely sure how much of the truth his family knows, but they are a large part of our lives. I know that my ex was disowned for getting into a mess with drugs and debt in the past. He was clean for a few years and said he'd never do it again because it hurt so much to be cast aside by his own kin.
I've never mentioned the drugs to his parents before. I don't want to cause that kind of heartache.
Yesterday I went to visit his mother to apologise for the row I'd had with my ex at their home over Easter dinner, to which I had been invited. She berated me for not thinking of the kids, said I was the one who started the row and that I shouted first before my ex did. I pointed out that my concerns were deliberately being ignored by all of the family (about giving sweets to my child) and that nothing called for being sworn at in front of my daughter.
I asked how much she knew about the reason for our break up. She didn't seem to know anything. I told her about the violence, the aggression and the arguments. She said she knows he'd never hit me. I said he hadn't hit me, but he had punched a few holes in things, slammed a door in my face whilst I was holding my daughter just an inch or so away, and frequently threatened to kill me or hoped I'd die.
She started to argue in his favour and I felt an injustice was being done to me, so I stupidly said quietly 'the reason I left him was because of drugs'. I could see she was struggling to find something to say, so she waved it off and said nothing.
I wish I could take it back. I didn't want to hurt her, but I was fed up with being the monster, fed up with their reluctance to acknowledge me as part of my daughter's life, and hacked off that my ex got away with so much and is still the apple of their eye.
I have no idea if she's said anything to my ex, but I know he hasn't tried to contact me over anything, nor has responded to a text about laundry (he's being doing it for me with our washing machine until mine is fixed).
I know I'm in for a roasting, but I would love some practical advice too.