Meeting XP after 18 months - how to feel confident

[VeniceByDay]

Split with XP after 10 year relationship18 months ago. He dumped me and is now with someone else. It wasn't done particularly kindly and took me a while to get over but I'm good now. I definitely don't want him back but don't hate him or anything.

Will be meeting with XP next week as there are some outstanding financial issues we need to discuss. I'm ok with the content of our meeting but want some tips on how to feel confident etc meeting with him for the first time after the split. We'll be meeting early evening in a pub - don't imagine we'll be there more than 20 minutes or so. Just wanted to feel ok.

Venice - your timeline is exactly the same as mine.

My divorce is imminent and I know I may have to see him again once the house is on the market and it's not something I look forward to.

I saw him almost a year ago and got lots of advice and support from MNers.

Make sure you look naturally fabulous. This isn't for his benefit but it will give you confidence. Maybe have a haircut or nails done. Treat yourself to a new outfit that he wouldn't have seen before, it will just help you (and him) to know that you have moved on.

Keep it professional, treat it like a business meeting and do not go down the route of personal feelings or start talking about the past. If he does then tell him clearly that you are there to finalise financial matters.

Oh and if meeting in a pub, don't drink alcohol, keep your head straight.

I wish you luck.

Thanks handful I was thinking along those sort of lines - treat it like a business meeting etc.

Are you happy in yourself?

If the answer is Yes - then it will shine through. Trust me.

Don't stoop to talking about new boyfriends (if you have one), just treat him as a friendly aquaintance that you can be perfectly nice to without needing to talk about personal lives.

Oh and make sure you look fabulous, like handful says, not for him but for yourself.

Good luck.

Thanks Bobbles I am mostly happy in myself - really want to be able to project that when I meet him and not show that tiny piece of lingering hurt thats still there.Hence want to feel as confident as possible and would welcome any more suggestions.

I think its good to have something planned for afterwards - even if its just a cuppa at a friends house.

It gives you a get out if things are dragging, and means you won't go home and brood (not that you would anyway).

Yes good suggestion from Last, have something else planned that you need to go to so you can't stay long.

I think also, prepare yourself for having him mention his new partner. It might sting, and depending on whether he's vindictive or not he might want to rub it in. Don't let it hurt you, if it hurts, don't show it. Just breeze through it with an "Oh that's lovely" and move on.

Don't get into talking about feelings, or asking him how things are with him, don't give him an opportunity to revert to your old familiarity. You're not his wife, so he doesn't get to use you as such and benefit from your sympathy or care any more.

But don't feel you have to shove your new life in his face either. It can come across as desperate and trying too hard. You don't have anything to prove to him, his opinion of you and your life don't matter at all. Just know in yourself that you're happy, and that your split was for the best.

In situations like this, I try to channel Monica from friends... "Im Breeeezy!"

Dress down. Make yourself look good without looking as if you've made an effort. You don't want him to think you've made an effort because of him!

Agree with ALaugh, if you didn't dress up particularly when with him, don't do it now - it'll look really obvious.

I would personally turn up wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt, ripped jeans, a leather jacket and my manliest boots, but that's just me

Thanks for your replies....theyr'e really helping