can anyone advise me on trial separation

[LIKEMARMITEYOULIKEMEORHATEME]

Hi, I have come to a decision I think my marriage needs a trial separation.
I have had a couple of posts on here in the past and whether or not he has had something going on with someone, I feel he certainly does not respect me.
I have an on going illness which is getting worse because of the stress of this relationship and I think I need a break. And deserve better. I think a trial separation would shock him because yet again he won't go to counselling despite continuous problems over the last two years and him not dealing with the stress in his life in anyway he will not even go to a doctor and I can see it's affecting it's mood which makes my life more stressful. I am starting to loose respect for him because he is not doing anything to help himself and it's wearing me out trying to 'make him happy'.
So I would like some advice on how a trial separation works. I am going to phone the solicitors once the holidays are over.

Not got much advice, but be wary of doing it just to shock him. There is a risk he will move out and that will be it. If you are prepared to deal with that eventuality and everything it brings then fine. Of course, he might move out and you finds it's lovely for you...

Hi OP
I'm about 6 weeks into a trial separation. DH and I have had problems for about 2 years and reached the stage of being friendly but finding it increasingly difficult to live together (he is an alcoholic, which from my pov is the biggest problem).

I would be cautious about using it as a shock tactic. Your dh might call your bluff and just go without any discussion, and it is something you need to discuss - why you want time apart, what you hope the time apart will achieve. Be prepared for the possibility you actually prefer being on your own. This is how, at least at this point, it is for me. I'm now on my own with 3 young dcs but the relief and calm I feel is amazing. I instigated the separation after one alcohol-related incident too many, and tbh expected I would hate the reality of him being away. But i'm fine, the dcs are fine and we still see him regularly.

And yes, do seek legal advice - not so much re a trial separation as there's little input you would need from them for that, but just to get your ducks in a row in case you find the trial turns into a permanent split.

We did a trial separation for 6 months last year. I wish I had stuck with it! It was tiring physically (have 2 v small dcs) but mentally such a breath of fresh air. Oh - and the food bill HALVED. Had no idea H ate so much ;)

I wouldn't do it as a experiment but as a solution, "This is the situation. I am open to us getting back together, but until you start to show me X and Y, this is how things are".

Thank you for the advise. After a full blown row other night we spent along time talking till early hours of the morning. He even listenined to my concerns about his behaviour towards female work colleagues without throwing a strop which is why i have struggled for so long because he wouldn't listen to my point of view. I think you are right about doing it to shock him is
Probably not a good idea because i generally think we have been together to long to call it a day. I just wanted him to listen to me i hope talking other night has been a turning point and we can start to respect each other again.

Probably not a good idea because i generally think we have been together to long to call it a day
Would you stick with it if you'd been together 6 weeks or 6 months?

I just wanted him to listen to me i hope talking other night has been a turning point and we can start to respect each other again.

This is interesting. How have you been disrespecting him?

Not listening to him because he wasn't listening to me and would not even consider counselling because he always has to be right whatever the situation. So i felt like he did not care about how i felt. I don't know what changed at the weekend during the argument for him to decide to talk. I just wish he had done it a long time ago!!!