Sensitive topic (abuse). Need to talk to my partner about my childhood.

[YourHandInMyHand]

I am with a fantastic man, after many disastrous relationships and then a long break of focusing on me and my child, I have finally found someone I love so much and who loves me too in a healthy happy way.

He knows I have nothing to do with my dad but I've kept avoiding the topic - however I feel I need to tell him about it but
A) I just don't know verbally how I can
B) I'm worried how it will affect me emotionally to talk through it all
C) I don't want him to view me differently afterwards or have it change how he treats me.

I pressed charges against my dad for childhood sexual abuse when I was 18, my step sister also had a case against him (she was 10 and blurted it out to her mum, that's what brought it all out). He was found guilty on both counts but didn't go to jail, and was only put on the sex offenders register for 10 years. His wife took him back, he kept his job, nothing changed for him really. I have no contact with him or his family (14years NC now), and changed my surname.

Having never had that emotional stability of knowing your parents are your protectors, I've found it hard in the past to fully let people in, I often felt lonely and in the past made bad relationship choices. I'm now older and wiser and know myself better. I'm proud of what I've achieved as an adult and a parent, and it's a huge part of what has made me who I am but it's shit and upsetting and horrid. I don't know how to talk about it out loud.

Sorry you have to go through such a difficult childhood OP I understand that you would find it difficult to explain what happened to you, this post explains perfectly and concisely so if you don't feel upto talking to him then maybe you could show him this post or write it down?

Have you received support for what you went through? Maybe contacting rape crisis would be helpful to you?

Yes I guess I could write it down.

I've had counselling at different points but I've found that each counsellor hasn't wanted to address it and I've kind of worked through it myself. I speak to my sister about it, and have talked about it with friends sometimes. I was never raped.