Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years. We don't live together and we both have children with other partners.
When we first met everything was great, however the last 8 months or so bf have become depressed and it's getting worse (triggered by new job which he finds stressful and the team he works with aren't overly nice/ bordering on bullying).
Now I know this is quite self indulgent but I'm finding it so hard to support him. Most conversations we end up talking about bf and his problems/ work. If we are going somewhere it's so stressful because he gets very anxious and as a result he gets snappy and irritable. If I try and talk to him about his behaviour he shuts down and refuses to engage, I think he sees it as a personal attack but sometimes his behaviour us unacceptable and hurtful and I sometimes need him to know that.
I find it difficult to because he doesn't really enjoy doing much at the moment except eating/ watching telly. Asking him to help with anything is a massive issue and I often feel like he doesn't support me. When he isn't at work he definitely considers it downtime and so isn't really ever there to help (little things like helping me cook/ clean/ diy etc). I would say I'm considerate in that I don't really ask him to do much anyway but to be honest it's alot because I know how he will react. Normally he gets grumpy and lists all the he different things he needs to do for himself, which I do understand but sometimes I need him too. This is also he case emotionally, he isn't really "there" for me anymore. If I'm stressed or upset about anything he doesn't seem able to give me the head space to be able talk to me or even just listen.
I understand he is depressed, and he is on a waiting list for counselling. I know it doesn't sound it but there's so much about him that I love completely. I feel selfish because I know it isn't his fault, but sometimes I can't help things- what about me? When is it my turn to have my needs met for a change.
I do want to support him through his depression and I really am trying but it is really difficult (especially as I have depressive tendencies myself which j am trying to control).
Does anyone have any advice on how I can support him? I just want him to feel better and feel happy and enjoy life again...