Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Problem ex - will it ever end!

3 replies

tumbleweed72 · 02/04/2015 14:08

Just some advice or wondering if anyone has been through the same. Been with partner 2 years , he had split up with his ex 2 years previous to us meeting but she had stayed living with him, she had a history of mental illness and borderline/histrionic personality disorder whilst they were together, she threatened to cut herself when he wen to work, out etc, she has since married .

She has never liked us being together and used to try lots of things to try and stir up trouble , anything from constant calling all through the night ( her husband works night shifts) to keep needing to be took to A&E with nothing really wrong etc etc. She admitted she was jealous of him being with me and seems like has just tried her hardest to come between us.

He eventually asked her to leave us alone , that he can't 'manage ' her anymore and thats her husbands job now. She got angry etc , left it a week then all the phone calls started again, this time she kept saying she had the wrong number, but just kept doing it, then tried to engage in a chat about what had happened to her etc. He changed his number - then the emails started, he ignored them. She then went quiet for a few months.

We have just got married - somehow she has found out , and now emails have started again. He doesn't read them , just deletes straight away ,the heading was CONGRATULATIONS!! , so we guess she has found out. The reason why they split up is because he wouldn't marry her m whether this has something to do with the contact coming back again??
What it just feels like is she will never go away, its like she must always be looking for a reason to connect? Will she ever go away? Has anyone experience of similar? Just any advice would be great.

With personality disorders I have read they can't bear to not be in control and get attention , not sure if this applies ?

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 02/04/2015 14:19

The reason why they split up is because he wouldn't marry her m whether this has something to do with the contact coming back again??

I think it's pretty safe to say yes.

As hard as it may be, your DH has to detach from her and start legal action to cease her harassment. He needs to keep a log of all calls, emails, texts, any FB messages, etc. Confirmation from his phone provider of his change of number will be helpful. A letter from a solicitor would be cheap and may stop her in her tracks. However if she doesn't stop then she can be taken to court.

Your DH must understand that he is not (and never has been) responsible for her mental health or her happiness. It's her responsibility (not her husband's either, poor bastard) to get herself treatment. At the moment she is flailing around wildly, revelling in her illness and how it's made her the centre of attention. Yes she probably does have a personality disorder, but that's up to the psych team to diagnose.

Also if she ever gets in contact again and says she's going to hurt herself, call 101 and give them her details. That is what Samaritans advise anyone to do in this situation.

Hissy · 02/04/2015 14:19

can he change his email, or filter her to junk/block?

ignore, ignore ignore.

if she escalates contact police on 101 for advice.

do not engage in any contact with her at all

Binklesback · 02/04/2015 14:27

Yes he can just divert her emails automatically into a folder so they are there for evidence but don't show up in the general inbox. That's what I had to do. Why hasn't he done this yet.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page