online dating disaster is this normal? feeling disheartened

[yummytummy]

Hi so am tentatively dipping toes into this online dating stuff after a very long marriage.

So got chatting to this guy he seemed nice was similar to what I would look for. He said all these things like he had a great feeling about us etc I shouldn't feel alone any more once we got to know each other could go for dinner etc etc. I then felt hopeful. Then he went away for two weeks. Had arranged to meet after. But then I didn't hear anything. I tried messaging but nothing. So obviously I have been had he wasn't interested or keen on meeting at all. But why lie? And why then just vanish? At least say u don't want to meet etc

Anyway I feel hurt and a bit silly that I started to believe what he was saying

I just feel like there just aren't any nice guys anywhere and feel discouraged to try again

Its hard as I don't want to be alone and cant handle a celibate life very well but at the same time I am almost desperate for a nice kind relationship like everyone else seems to have and I have never had

Has this happened to anyone else? Any thoughts or advice

I did think deep down am probably not quite ready to date but I just wanted to try it

Yes, it's totally normal with online dating, sorry.

Men generally have a list of ladies they're talking to and if things go well with one person, they just ignore all the others. It's pretty rude but seems to be an inevitable "feature" of OD.

Yep..... really annoying but normal.
You need a thick skin, a good sense of humour and enhanced cynicism and you will be fine
Make sure your knob radar is working.

He said all these things like he had a great feeling about us etc I shouldn't feel alone any more once we got to know each other could go for dinner etc etc
This alone should is a classic example of knob like behaviour.

Good luck

oh yes this happens AL THE TIME. Or you go for 1 or 2 dates, even have a kiss!! and then never bloody hear from them again.

OR you go on a date, its awful and awkward, and then they suggest a second date saying how great it was!

You just never can tell, but don't be disheartened, happens to everyone. One of my closets friends has had loads of these scenarios and she is honestly a great catch - funny, kind, attractive and a lovely person. I always tell myself, if it happens to her then it must happen to pretty much everyone!!

Sorry you're feeling hurt, yummytummy - but don't feel silly, at all! I think it's normal to believe the best of people, and you were just going by what he told you. Unfortunately he didn't play very nice, or maybe he just got carried away. Either way, it is rude behaviour but unfortunately it does seem to be common in OLD...

It's hard to be thick-skinned about it but if you search the forums for 'online dating' there's a really great thread with advice on OLD - does anyone know the one I mean? Sorry There's a few mentions of how you have to set your BS meter to very high and take what people say with a pinch (bucket!) of salt till you get to know them quite well in real life.

Anyway, hugs! and good luck x

The same happened to me. I met a guy on line, and we clicked right away online and talking on the phone. We met after some time and the sparks were definitely there. We continued to chat and agreed a second date. Again, lots of sparks, promises of the future, I deserved to be looked after and he wanted to be the one to do so blah blah blah. He then went camping with his kids and he never got back in touch when he got back. He did weeks later after I sent him an email saying that he could at least have shown some decency by telling me why he was cutting contact, by telling me that meeting me and feeling in love again made him realised he was not over his ex and as he was so confused about his emotions, he had decided to clear his head up and not start something until he knew where he stood....

I reminded myself there and then that words are cheap and actions speak louder! 2 years later, I was contacted by someone who I clicked with right away. We met and the sparks were there once again. This time, I refused to believe all the lovely things he told me, just took it one day at a time, getting excited each time we seemed to be getting to the next stage. We married 4 years later and I couldn't be happier. Funny how you look back and can feel so grateful that someone set you free when at the time you thought it was the worse thing happening to you!

Matroyshka, here's the Thinking of using internet dating for first time ever - tips please! thread.

Wow so it seems quite common then. I think I am naturally gullible and sensitive so looks like it will be a hard journey! I just despair of ever finding anyone. Really appreciate all your comments it helps to hear from others who have more experience. Its especially hard as met exh at 18 together a long long time so never really dated as such and never thought I would have to. Its very painful. More so as ex went off with another woman left a 20 year relationship and impregnated her within a month. So as in he hasn't been alone whereas I think once kids grow up I will end up a crazy cat lady or sth!

Internet dating is a bear pit. The best advice I can give you is to mentally file everything a potential date tells you as ' not yet proved to be untrue '. And to look at how someone behaves, not what they say.

Yeh, sorry, it's par for the course really. You have to be slightly cynical about it. Take everything you're told with a pinch of salt and just try to enjoy it for what it is - a way of meeting people who you may or may not end up seeing again.

For what it's worth, it took me a year on Match to find my current squeeze - four and a half years later we're expecting a baby in three weeks' time and we're buying a house