Long lost friend on FB

[Theluckiestagain]

Yep, it's a FB related thing (I know it's the work of Satan & all his little imps) it's thrown up a strange dilemma and I'm interested to hear your thoughts...

When I was at secondary school I was part of a tight little group of 4. We got on brilliantly and the 'leader' for want of a better word, was B (I'll refer to her as Bee as she was Queen Bee of our little gang I guess. The other 3 of us were no wallflowers though and were all fairly laid back, hence Bee's 'leadership'). We all wanted to be Bee's best mate but there were very few bust ups between us from Year 7 all the way to Year 11. WHen it came to A levels choices though, the shit hit the fan...two of our club left to go to college (including myself) and Bee's nose was spectacularly put out of joint. In fact, she never spoke to us again. There was no teenage hissy fit...we just said goodbye as normal one day, then simply never spoke / avoided one another until several years had passed.

Many years later (15 or so!), I met up with the other two of our gang and it was as if no time had passed at all. We had a great time and have kept in contact ever since via texts / FB. We did discuss Bee...after we split up, she went on to another friendship group and totally distanced herself. Looking back with older (wiser?) eyes, I imagine she was very hurt. Or possibly pissed off that her little group of minions had the balls to leave her shadow and move on?!

Anyway, long story short...Bee has reappeared on FB!! She is now friends with one of our group who approached her. She must've seen us other two by now but no direct contact. I admit, this all sounds very silly, but it has throw up feelings of genuine sadness. We're all now grown women, nearly 40, and I cannot believe I'm feeling sad about something that happened (or just wasn't resolved) over 20 years ago!!

So, WWYD? Leave well alone? Send an email saying hello? At one point we were genuinely very close and if we had sorted it at the time, 20 years of friendship could've happened. Or am I reading into this as my 16 year old self and actually that time has gone? When we met up as a three (before Facebook!) we talked about this issue - how we still felt close to each other, we were still the same, just older, but Bee's absence was palpable.

It was so weird seeing Bee's photo again after all this time...and I don't know why I feel so sad about this. Maybe it's the realisation that 20 years go in the blink of an eye and not to leave things unresolved?! What do you think? And thanks for reading this...I feel better for writing it down to a sympathetic listener. Although DH is sympathetic, the world of teenage and female friendships are a closed book to him!!

I was on a group of four at school. One if our group left school before the rest if us and never spoke to us again (we did try!)

More than 20 years on the three of us are still friends, know each other's husbands, children etc but none if us are in contact with number 4. I think it's sad for her that she's missed out, but leave well alone. She knows where to find us if she wanted us.

I would not make the first move.
But that's just me.

I'd make the first move too. I went to a different 6th form than my friends and didn't see them for 25 years. I made contact on FB after about 20 and am now in touch regularly.

And if it doesn't work, what do you have to loose?

One of my friendship group just disappeared for about 25 years after leaving school and then popped up again. It has been really lovely to see her - no need to rehash the old stuff, but move forward with a new friendship.

I would just her a friend request and she can accept or ignore.
You'll know where you stand then!

How do you know her nose was put out of joint? Perhaps she just let you go off to college and get on with it?

I don't see an issue, I'd send a friend request then message if she accepts. We aren't 16 year olds now.

So you have seen her profile, and not said hello?

Why is this her fault

I'm not a fan of fb but I would say hi. Recently got in contact with an old pal from 25 years ago. It was brill seeing her and I feel we will meet up a lot more. We did not speak in 25 years. Just went completely different paths.

Kittens, not sure where you got that I was blaming anyone from. Simply that I had seen she had resurfaced via FB and it threw up all sorts of long-buried sadness and regret. I wish my 16 year old self had sorted it at the time really but then 16 year olds don't always have the tools or maturity to be able to do that! I also think it's partly that our group is just about to hit 40 so this seemed rather poignant somehow.

Anyway, it's all by the by because there have been developments!! I had made the decision to drop her a friendly 'Hi! how are you?' and she beat me to it. We are back in touch after over 20 years! And that feels really good.

That's great

A few years ago I avoided going to a school reunion because I knew a girl who was a dreadful bully was going to be there.

My friend called, knowing I was making excuses and said to go and I'd be surprised so I trusted her and did.

I'm so glad I did as the bully came over all smiles and charm and it took the wind out of my sails, I felt like a young teenager again. She must have realised as she looked at me and said she was a right bitch at school and apologised and hugged me.

It's like a weight's been lifted. I got closure and I feel more at peace with some of my past

Very good to see you are back in touch.
FB can be a nightmare but there are times when it's a great tool.

".. She must've seen us other two by now but no direct contact. I admit, this all sounds very silly, but it has throw up feelings of genuine sadness..."

I read this as you were sad that she hadnt contacted you?

But glad you did make contact - lots of luck xx