Poor poor me

[WinkyWinkola]

I feel so low but also feel that I shouldn't be so self pitying. I just don't really know how to make things better.

I'm 16 weeks pg, married with one son of 18 months. I'm not looking forward to my second child. The arrival of the first saw such a fuss from DH's family. I was overwhelmed, upset and felt like hell and felt like I couldn't and would never cope. It's ok now but I'm worried I won't be able to stop the frenzy for the second child. It's my MIL that is most frenzied, OTT and interfering about babies. I'm still quite bitter towards her for her undermining behaviour and trying to take over with my first child. DH and I used to argue about this all the time and went to a marriage counsellor about it.

DH seems to be going through some sort of crisis at work where he's not at all happy. He comes home, complains about it a lot, sometimes rants etc. He is looking for another job so he is being proactive about it. I try to be sympathetic but after awhile, tiredness overtakes me and I have to go to bed.

Our sex life is zero. I'm just not interested. Haven't been for a long time. I just don't seem to have had a libido for say two years now. DH is greatly unhappy with that too. Can't say I blame him. He seems to think I tricked him into marriage with the rampant sex we had when we first met that has now tailed off. It's a source of tension too especially when I feel so tired and nauseous and not up to sex, although the nausea is getting better.

We're also hoping to move house before Christmas. I'm dreading the extra strain that will put on us, both in terms of the stress of moving and the financial cost.

My 18 month old son is a super child. He's such a nice kid, good fun and I adore him. But he's still not sleeping through the night. This makes me so weary even though I nap in the day when he naps. I'm not big on leaving him to cry but I have tried this and he works himself up into a shaking, tear filled, red faced frenzy. So, I get up three or four times a night to soothe him - still breastfeeding - and as a result, I'm knackered.

I just feel that there is no sphere of my life that is ok at the moment. Even enjoying life with my son seems to be marred by exhaustion and being less patient than I should be. Is this the way it is when you have kids? Just take it a day at a time? I just want to feel happy, enjoy each day as it comes. I seem to be always waiting for things to get better rather than relishing the here and now.

Anyone else feel this way? I'm sorry for such a long post. Thanks for reading it and getting this far. Sorry if I've made anyone else feel low!

don't know if i can be much help but might have some advice for waking child. my 1 year old was waking up almost every hour from about 6-8 months, i was really shattered and called in the sleep clinic (one of the HVs). she advised me to put her to bed at 6pm, not let her sleep past 3 in the pm and not to give her windy foods for tea! the very first night i tried it she slept through til 5.30, for the first time ever. Since then, bar the odd occasion- teething or cold she has continued to sleep through. still wakes at 5.30 mind, but that is a small price to pay. I know your son is older but it might be that this works. Good luck and i hope things improve in time, sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, and much harder to deal with things when sleep deprived

Totally sympathise. My oldest is 4 and sleeps okay but the youngest is 14 months and is teething and wakes a lot. I am exhausted all the time. My second pregnancy was hard work, was sick and anaemic and shattered day and night. I was in bed by 7.30 as soon as DS1 went to bed most nights especially at your stage.

You sound to me like you are just exhausted and it affects everything. Try and remember that it will get better. Your DH needs to be more symathetic. You are the pregnant mother of a toddler. He can hardly expect things to be as they were when you first met right now. That's life. Really feel for you.

Hi Winky, I soooo sympathise with you. I have 2 dd's, 16 months apart. They are now 3 and 23months.

At my wits end I called my HV who came round the same day. She was brilliant and kept telephoning me for a little while afterwards to check on how we were progressing.

Maybe you could ring or visit your HV, she's impartial and could really help you. Just sharing things face to face sometimes helps. Please don't go through this alone, maybe having a proper talk to your DH might help.

I do PROMISE things will get better x

You have a lot on your plate so taking it one day at a time is perfectly fine and totally recommended.

I think with any amount of children sleep is any parents no.1 priority.....if you can break the breastfeeding in the night it will be a huge benefit. He doesn't need the calories it is just comfort and although it will take a bit of breaking the habit, its better to be a few nights of breaking it than continuing until you have your next baby looking for a share.

I read a great book (Solving your Child's Sleep Problem, Dr Richard Ferber). There's loads of stuff that won't apply to you but some practical stuff that's great.

No sex life? Yeah, totally normal. You and your DH are under pressure, constantly, and its hard to find yourselves under there. My best bit of advice is for you both to remember you are on the same side. Order takeaway regularly and share wine.

Keep posting, we're all here x.

You sound so sad, I really feel for you.

I agree with frumpy stumpy, about the breastfeeding. I hate to suggest it, but for your sake would it be worth giving it up? It will be taking so much out of you, and the broken sleep, and the pregnancy. If you could just get a few full night's sleep it will make a great difference to your outlook.

Sex life? No wonder, you're growing a person, and feeding another. Oh and then there's you in there somewhere too!

You have that energy filled second trimester about to jump on you soon (though I'm still not sure it exists!) and as soon as you find the pg even a little easier, you will see happiness. Take each day as it comes.

And if you want to have a pyjama day and eat chocolate, do it. You deserve some time "off".