Need advice re my friend's awol ex

[milliemanzi]

My friend has 2 children with her ex partner, he's basically a no hoper and has trouble holding down a job, smokes too much weed and gambles too much but I think a lot of this is down to depression he won't admit to and he is essentially a nice guy, and he loves his kids and he currently sees them at least once a week, always at my friend's house as he has no stable place to stay and is often sofa surfing. At various points over the years he has disappeared for a few weeks with no contact with my friend or the kids and worries everyone. He has gone awol again now and has currently been missing for nearly 3 weeks, the kids are older now and are asking after him and my friend doesn't know what to say anymore.
His family want nothing to do with him (which I think is very sad) except his mum who has sporadic contact but lives very far away and when my friend has told her about the situation she has been no help.
I personally think my friend should just cut him out of her life for good but she finds it hard because the kids do love him. He gives her no money so he doesn't contribute that way.
I've told her she should report him missing but we know he's probably not got to any harm and is just bumming about somewhere.
How would you move forward with this situation?
Thanks sorry for long post.

How old are the kids?

They are 7 & 5

At this age, she should probably just tell the kids "Daddy isn't around at the moment, he's off having a holiday, but he'll be in touch when he can." I would imagine at this point the kids are pretty used to him not turning up regularly?

Once they get older, "Daddy is an unreliable stoner" should probably be explained.

Yeah she used to say he was working away but the eldest is very bright and knows something is up. They are used to him coming and going somewhat so I guess I'm asking whether it's better to accept that and still have their dad in their life or is it better to just cut him out and accept he isn't a great role model? I feel like continuity is important for kids and as they get older this is going to affect them more? It's a really hard situation.

I think a lot of this is down to depression he won't admit to and he is essentially a nice guy, and he loves his kids

Crap.

Nice guys are not gambling drug using workshy losers who would happily abandon his kids to go on a bender.

He isnt depressed, he is selfish. Yes she needs to stop enabling him and cut him out. If he wants to see the kids then let him do the hard work to organise it and make him take them out for the afternoon rather than hanging around in her house like a bad smell.

And you need to stop making excuses for him.

Oh and clarify....

Depression does not cause:
Gambling addiction
Drug addiction
Laziness (fatigue and lack of energy yes, not long term laziness)
Going on a bender
Refusal to pay child support.

Oh and to clarify..

What Bogeyface said.
No point reporting him missing from what you've said - he'll resurface when he wants to. She really needs to start trying to move on.

Thank you all, I know you're right, I think she just feels so sad for the kids that they've got such a shit dad!
Sorry I didn't mean to belittle depression I just meant I think he has issues that he deals with by putting his head in the sand and smoking etc etc but you're right he is a grown man and enough is enough.

I hope she can be strong enough not to let him back in again.

If she can manage the kids' expectations in an age-appropriate way eg 'Daddy's had to go away for a while, he'll be in touch at some point. Anyway who wants to [bake cakes/go swimming/play Minecraft]' then it isn't necessary to do anything else. Yes, he's a lazy selfish knob by the sound of it, but treating him as a sort of peripheral, occasional visitor is probably the best way of dealing with things.