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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I admit to DP that I liked the attention of the 'other guy'?

4 replies

PetesNoseBag · 31/03/2015 19:38

DP is understandably pissed off with me. Basically a few months ago I joined a club. A (married) guy showed an interest in me and at first I brushed him off but as time went on I suppose I started to enjoy the attention. He kept posting things on my facebook and sending me messages. DP was annoyed and told me to block him and I kept saying I would but secretly, I enjoyed it.

The stupid thing is I never had any attraction to this guy, never intended to take things any further, felt sorry for his wife, felt guilty about DP - but still never did anything to stop it.

It came to a head when he asked me to go around to his house as his wife was away. I would never have done it but DP saw the message and went mad (understandably). I said then I'd block him but I didn't.

Today, DP has seen a (non-flirty) message on facebook, one which I replied to. He is livid and I don't blame him. He wants to know what is going on, nothing HAS gone on but I know I have encouraged all this and I feel awful and stupid. I just enjoyed the attention and thought it was harmless, obviously it isn't.

I don't even know why I encouraged it. I suppose my confidence is shit and I often question DP's intentions towards me. He has done shitty things to me in the past too (hook up sites) but we had supposed to have made a new start.

My question is, do I continue telling him I don't understand why the guy keeps pestering me or admit that I enjoyed the attention and that's why it was never stopped when it should have been?

OP posts:
Christophewouldgetit · 31/03/2015 19:46

Just block the guy and decide what you're doing with your relationship.. you sound pretty awful by repeatedly lying to your DP.

gatewalker · 31/03/2015 19:59

OP - It might be a really good idea to explore your passive-aggressiveness towards your DP. Whether he is a paragon of virtue or not is beside the point: your own behaviour is mystifying you, and it could be tremendously useful to delve a little deeper into what is really driving you in your relationship/s.

ljomrs · 31/03/2015 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lacoba66 · 31/03/2015 20:36

OP, no judgement on your behaviour is coming from me, but a suggestion.

Think back to how YOU felt when you found out about DP and the (very vaguely alluded to) 'hook up' sites that you mentioned.

You sound as though you want to get even with him and therefore have not forgiven/ got over what he did.

Don't lower yourself to his level is all I would suggest.

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