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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Feel invisible - may as well not be here

6 replies

lithiumfear · 31/03/2015 16:10

I've been trying really hard not to post, but just now need to rant.

I'm not great at taking my medication (and can be noticed by my husband and mum, as I get so irritable). I hate taking them though. I lost a lot of weight a few years ago (coinciding with a 'manic' period funnily enough), then gradually started regaining last year (coinciding with a very down period).

I was prescribed lithium, which actually worked really well, but a GP mentioned that lots of people put on a lot of weight (which I didn't funnily enough), so it sowed seeds of doubt in my mind.

I was prescribed lamotrigine, which I thought was working well, but then stopped the lithium (worried about weight). On it's own the lamotrigine isn't working - I am more irritable with it, than if taking nothing. My mood has fallen again, and I've put a couple of stone in a month (yes really)!!!

I was exercising until a couple of months ago, but have stopped, and find no motivation in anything... just moving is a struggle.

What is making all this worse is that I feel invisible, and unlikeable.

It all just made sense a few minutes ago. My sister rang me, then went on about the Germanwings co-pilot. Saying he couldn't have been depressed as she suffers from depression.

Thing is my mum is always telling me about my sister's 'depression'. One in which she still loves life (as she just told me two minutes ago), but life doesn't like her??? She manages to go out happily in the evening, but gets frustrated is fair to say with things.

She mentioned the pilot's breathing was normal, yet when she's depressed her breathing increases - I pointed out if this was the case it was more likely she was anxious...

I know this doesn't make sense, but it's the fact that she'd discounted the fact that I have bipolar, and it was all about her, it always is.

She also has continous scans in case she has ovarian cancer, had a monitor attached to her for 24 hours to monitor her heart (no problem detected), then phones me constantly to tell me how she feels she is going to have a heart attack (forgetting that I have a legitimate heart problem, which I just don't bother with).

None of this makes sense I know. I just feel ignored... when talking about mental health issues my mum brings up my sister and brother and how they are depressed (even though I am the only one with a legitimate diagnosis), and actually says that I'm perfectly normal - until I stop my meds, then she notices.

My sister also upset me after she took her son to visit DD2's grave. She rang me to tell me, I was touched. Then she said she cried as there were other children there, who were older, and how much more awful it must be to lose an older child. Maybe it is, maybe I'm too selfish and sensitive to realise that.

Sorry it's long, I don't really expect anyone to read it, just needed to vent, as I tend to hold it inside at the moment.

OP posts:
JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 31/03/2015 16:38

So sorry that you're feeling so down at the moment. Your sister (family) are not helping you at all.

Sometimes it's good to let things out, if you hold everything inside for too long something has to give sooner or later.

You really must take your drugs regularly as that will help you get through this. If the drugs aren't helping then go back to see your GP for more help/advice/guidance etc.

Are you having any counselling at the moment?

Thinking of you Flowers

and BTW you are perfectly right to miss and grieve for your DD2. The age makes no difference whatsoever to how you feel.

lithiumfear · 31/03/2015 16:54

Thank you Jigsaw x

I think it is my family that makes things worse. I love them deeply (I really do), but I grew up with a mum who thinks that everything is someone else's responsibility - my brother - he still lives at home at 38, doesn't pay any bills, gets my parents to buy his lottery, shopping etc. If you ask why he can't do these things himself (when they moan to me), they excuse him, saying he's tired, depressed etc.

He also has type 2 diabetes, and has since mid-teens. He is very overweight, and I have tried to help in the past (I am a qualified nutritional therapist). He refuses to eat healthily, only drinks full sugar coke, eats cream cakes and chocolate etc... and now has to have insulin. Mum will say it is the NHS's fault, and he should sue them as he overeats!

Mum and dad also took in my son's dad. He physically abused me constantly, and when I got pregnant with my son I finally got the strength to leave him. He got engaged and contined to threaten me for years. When his fiancee had enough and threw him out, he went, cap in hand, to my parents, who allowed him to move in (he hadn't seen my son for a few years at that time).

My ex has schizoaffective disorder, and behaved very erratically at my parents house, in between hospital stays.

Eventually he moved out, and one night came to visit my son (I was in the bath, DS was 13 at the time). That night he raped me and tried to kill me, and threatened to kill DS, me and himself.

He was imprisoned for 5 years, and then wasn't allowed to see DS until he turned 18. My parents often say that they missed him, as apart from when he was 'mad' he was funny and good company. They turned the whole thing into being about them, what he was like there, and the weird things he did. Not realising how wrong it was to allow an ex abusive and feckless father of their grandson to live with them.

OP posts:
lithiumfear · 31/03/2015 16:55

I'm not having counselling. I am due to be discharged soon from CMHT, as the lithium is working and I haven't had any suicidal ideology for a while - the reason being my lovely 4yr old, and adult son.

OP posts:
JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 31/03/2015 16:57

You may wish to get this thread moved to Relationships as I'm sure there will be more people there who could advise you.

I'm sorry that you've gone through this. Flowers

BunnyEarsBeccaMumsnet · 31/03/2015 17:14

Hi everyone - we're just going to move this over to Relationships for the OP.

lithiumfear · 31/03/2015 17:18

Thank you BunnyEarsBeccaMumsnet and Jigsaws Flowers

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