Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Stalky ex girlfriend

33 replies

RebelRobin · 31/03/2015 12:47

I have to attend an event where my DP ex girlfriend is going to be there. She still sends 'loving messages' to him. He has told her he is with me, and she says she wants to meet me so we can all be friends!!! He answers some of her messages telling her to leave him alone and I have told him to ignore and not answer, but sometimes he does as he is too nice.

What can I say to her?? Should I 'put up a fight' - not literally, but I do not want her to win! Im a bit weak when it comes to telling people what to do and how I feel

OP posts:

Original poster

RebelRobin · 01/04/2015 08:02

He is not doing anything except telling me that she has texted and what she has said. Husband had affair and left me when my boys were small, saying he loved me but he loved her too, then eventually stayed with her. She had problems lets say in her life, and he eventually left her for someone else but always wanted me back. I would never take him back.

I feel like it is a repeat of this. Im scared it will be and don't know what to do or say to make me stop being so anxious about it

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 08:10

Really childish behaviour.

He obviously likes the attention from you both or he'd have nipped it in the bud....very simply.

Do you live together?

lottieandmias · 01/04/2015 10:38

Rebel - the thing is that all you know about her is what he has said. And it's quite early on in the relationship. I can understand that your previous experience will affect how you feel about this now. What you need to do, IMO is to tell him that your are not comfortable with the situation. Tell him he needs to stop texting her and that you don't want to hear about her any more.

Twinklestein · 01/04/2015 10:40

Simply tell him to stop buggering about. If he doesn't want to be in touch with this ex, then stops contact and blocks her.

If he doesn't do this, you draw your own conclusions and move on.

Taking control of your life will stop the anxiety.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 01/04/2015 10:42

Hissy while the advice is valid and will be valuable to some posters, I don't see from the OP's thread - rather than thread title - that the ex is 'stalking'.

Rather, she's messaging her ex. And sometimes her ex replies. New GF doesn't like it. Ex isn't taking any steps to stop it. That's not stalking, it's a (sometimes one-sided) conversation.

SaucyJack · 01/04/2015 11:09

We also had problems with DP's ex at the beginning of our relationship. She didn't want him back tho (didn't particularly want him when they were actually going out) but she is a textbook narcissist and couldn't seem to stand the thought of him moving on. DP was also a textbook co-dependent (which was his choice) and was in the habit of enabling her dramas and attention-seeking behaviours because I guess he liked feeling needed.

I put up with it for a bit because we're all supposed to be cool and right-on with the exes, but then I got sick of it and made it clear I wasn't prepared to go out with someone who was having a weirdo situation with an ex they didn't like and who didn't seem to like them. And he stopped doing it.

I did post on here at the time, and I got posters blaming him which seemed very unfair. But it's true. If he genuinely doesn't like her messaging then he needs to grow a pair and stop feeding it.

SolidGoldBrass · 01/04/2015 11:20

OK, so you are more than usually sensitive to the prospect of competition for a man's attention. It's not unreasonable to say to your new man that you would prefer him not to text his ex and that you don't want to hear from it, but it sounds like it's not that much of a big deal to him, so try not to make it one. ANd don't go down the path of demonizing her as a crazy stalker - she may genuinely be well-intentioned towards the pair of you and someone who likes to keep in casual touch..
But you've only been seeing this man for six months: if the situation starts wearing you down or he seems to be playing you and her off against one another, bin him and move on.

HeyDuggee · 01/04/2015 11:26

Tell him you're too old for these games and you're not interested in getting involved in his dramas. If he wants to explore a relationship with her, you're happy to take a month break and BOTH date other people.

If he doesn't want a relationship with her, then tell him to start acting like it. And if he protests, just tell him...stop being silly. We both know how to get rid of people we don't want in our lives (and look him in the eye.)

As far as this event, I'd tell him I'm not a teenager and don't wish to be involved in the drama created and tell him as he hasn't sorted this - you won't be going.

(How should he sort this? When she comes up to him, be cold and civil, then you lead you away from her. NOT fucking tell you she sent him a text and wants to be bloody friends with you, thereby winding you up!!!)

Flip

1 2