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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really need some help and advice

10 replies

CuteWithoutTheE · 31/03/2015 09:47

Please excuse my rambling im in a bit of a state just now

Brief back story -

Dp is very abusive,emotionally and financially. He hasn't hit me.

We have been together 5 years and I have asked him to leave several times over the years but he just won't go.

He has cheated several times with various different women he meets online and in the pub. He always made it out to be my own fault because I haven't lost weight like he's asked over the years. I honestly thought I deserved it and it's only recently I realized that it's not my fault he's just an arsehole.
He cheated again on Saturday night. He stayed out all night and called me in the morning demanding I picked him up from her house because the buses weren't running.

I refused and he's been in a mood since.

It's been awful the past few days,deafening silence and horrible comments from him about my parenting skills and how shit a mum I am because I never have any money.

I never have money because he takes it all and spends it in the pub.

Anyway this morning I woke up to him packing bags up for dd2. Dd2 is 22mo and is his, dd1 is 6yo and from a previous relationship.

He said he was taking her far away and I'll never see her again.

He has gone but taken my house keys.

My rent is due today and he took all my money last week so I can't pay it.I will most likely be evicted because this is the third month in a row he has done this. He takes it then returns it when it's too late to pay it on time so it goes down as a default..

How do I go about getting dd2 back? I have no idea where they have gone.

Do I need a solicitor? I haven't got any money.

I'm going to phone my landlord about the rent but I have no idea what to say and I'm really upset.

I hate him.

I have no confidence left, I am not allowed to do anything and I'm scared of him.

He has taken my bank cards and passport etc.

Would the police help me?

He said they won't get involved in domestics and said he would 'get me done'. I don't know what his next trick is but I'm scared.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2015 09:51

Call the police right now.
Not even 101 - 999 immediately.
Then call Womens Aid and tell them what has been going on and get them to help you.
You have been very badly abused by this man and you need immediate help.
He has kidnapped your child. The police will help get her back!
Call them NOW!

confusedandemployed · 31/03/2015 09:53

Oh my goodness yes. You now realise that what he says is bollocks. Police - immediately. Flowers

Quitelikely · 31/03/2015 11:28

OP

Are you ok? Is your daughter back?

Did you manage to call the police?

CuteWithoutTheE · 31/03/2015 12:19

Hi thanks for the replies it's been a mad morning

I called the police and he turned up before them, they walked in on him trying to strangle me so he has been arrested and they have not long left after taking statements from me.

My daughters are quite upset so we are going to my mums for a while until I have calmed down and we know he won't be back.

I will call women's aid shortly for some more help and advice.

I really hope he doesn't come back again

I think he got a shock when the police turned up too he realises now that I really really don't want him there.

Thanks

OP posts:
Endler32 · 31/03/2015 12:22

So sorry you are going through this Op, glad you have your dd back and the police are involved, stay strong and see this through, it sounds like you have had a rough time of it putting up with this man, I hope things get easier for you and you can get your life back ( things will be so much better without him ).

hellsbellsmelons · 31/03/2015 12:28

It's 'kind of' good that the police walked in on him strangling you (if that makes any kind of sense)
It means you will have access to legal aid due to domestic violence which will help to keep him away from you.
Get to your mums for some love and support and space then take the next steps.
Get all the help and support you can from agencies and the police.
Well done on getting the police involved.

NotAnotherPackedLunchBox · 31/03/2015 12:37
Flowers
MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2015 12:40

Dear Lord how awful. However, the Police should have a DV advisor and network of support such as solicitors and social workers who can help. Write down all your financial needs and income etc. they will try their best to avoid you being evicted. Hopefully a man who is witnessed trying to strangle his partner will not be awarded care of his dd.

Take care. Ask for advice and make sure you take it.

MatildaTheCat · 31/03/2015 12:42

Sorry,mi misunderstood you original post as dd2 being his from another relationship. Of course you will get here she's yours and he's a violent criminal.

Cherryapple1 · 31/03/2015 12:46

oh my goodness - how awful. Is a restraining order a possibility? I am glad the police witnessed what he did, but so sorry you have gone through this. I agree to getting as much help as you can to not have him in your lives ever again.

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