So very frightened that I'm making the wrong choice

[RokensWife]

It looks as though DH and I are splitting up but I'm so so so terrified that I'm making the wrong decision and that I'll regret this. I've posted before about his behaviour and the way he speaks to me. Part of me feels like this is what I've wanted for a good year deep down but now it's actually happening, I feel awful for giving up on our family and our marriage. But another part of me thinks I'm young, I have a whole life to live and don't need his negativity any more. I'm just so scared that it isn't the right thing to do.

The unknown. We are all scared of it to a certain degree.
Many of us don't like change.
However, you know you are doing the right thing.
For yourself and your DC.
Of course you will have wobbles, everyone does. But no-one has ever regretted leaving and arsehole!
Keep going and keep strong.
Get RL support around you. You can do this. You've come too far to go back now.

My DH moved out 2 weeks ago after I ended things due to his behaviour. I'd love to tell you that it's better now he's gone but it's early days. I miss him terribly and the company -despite his attitude. Guess I'm not used to being on my own.

He never really cared about me (new woman instantly, already planning a family) was EA and financially controlling too. I have to believe that life can be better than when I was with him. That's why I've done it.

I knew I couldn't stay when I couldn't stand him physically. It's hard being alone after 16 years. But 30 more years of misery seemed harder. Best of luck with your decision - Pm me if you like.

Would you be more scared to stay the rest of your life feeling trapped and unhappy?

Change is hard. But sometimes necessary for progress. sounds like you were very unhappy.

I don't know the back story but I am sure you didn't reach this decision lightly.

If you have DC(s) together, before anything is made final there's going to be mediation ie discussion about practical arrangements. I know right now it feels like standing on a cliff edge but separation doesn't immediately lead to divorce - there will be opportunities along the way to stop and assess. It may be that the shock of you taking action will wake your H up. However if you have given each other chances in the hope things would improve but nothing's altered, it is no good going round in circles.

I think I'm terrified of the change and the unknown. I'm worried about having to move into the box room at my mum's with my son, I'm worried about what will happen to all my things and all our furniture, I'm worried about what will happen to our dog.

I've been putting up with him growing more negative and uncaring each day.

He's agreed to go to the doctor tomorrow to see if it's the meds he is on.

The are no wrong or right choices.

There are just choices and if you don't make them things just stay the same.

So make the choice step out there with your head held high and blow a big raspberry at your fears.

Everything works out in the end. Whatever happens don't live life with regret

Thanks fuzzyduck1 - I know I need to go but I can't get up the courage to do it.
I'm so sad that it's looking like it's over and I'm grieving the life I thought we were going to have and the big plans we had made. But I can't live with someone who replies 'stop being so vain' when I ask if my new lipstick looks ok and then pulls up the handbrake on the (thank god very slow moving) car because I get tearful at being called vain.

hi I understand how you feel.
I am in a similar situation and it's scary to think about a trial separation but sometimes you need to think of your own happiness not someone else's I am young too but all I have to say to myself is, do I want to put up with this shit for another 10 years, and then I have wasted my life on someone's negative energy towards me. Perhaps maybe thats what you can think too to help. Good luck.

No one was more afraid than me.
I had only a part time job, no savings, son starting uni, and had been miserably unhappy for 20 years. Long story...no one else involved.
One Sunday night I knew I could take no more.
He didn't believe I meant it, having threatened before.
House went on the market on the Tuesday and was sold by the Friday.
Three months later I was in my very own much smaller home and working full time.
Once the decision is made all else falls into place.
Yes, there is grief over what might have been, but wasn't.
There is also peace.
I met someone 3 years later. That was 18 years ago.
We are married, retired. Blissfully happy. Several grandchildren.
Do not be afraid.

I want to leave, I need to leave, I should leave so why can't I bring myself to leave?! I should be with someone sweet and kind, not someone who yanks handbrakes up on moving cars or calls me a snob etc