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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

CPS say not enough evidence against Uncle

17 replies

jenk1 · 31/10/2006 16:20

Title says it all really.

CPS have told the officer in charge of DH,s case that there is not enough evidence to prosecute his uncle over the abuse allegations.

Gutted.

All DH has said is "the prick has got away with it" and then told me he doesnt want to discuss it again.

Feel so sorry for him and i know that the uncle will flaunt this around the family cos thats the sort of man he is.

Not hiding anymore behind the name delicatematter, theres no point.

OP posts:

fairyjay · 31/10/2006 16:28

So sorry for this - I know how much heartache that bastard has caused you and your dh.

You have to move on - and I have to say, cut yourselves off from those who offer you anything less than their wholehearted support.

Freckle · 31/10/2006 16:30

Oh I'm so sorry to hear this. What about other members of the family? Didn't you say there was a cousin who you feel was probably abused too? Surely if there is more than one person making the accusation, the CPS will have to take action.

CreepyCrawlyCarmenere · 31/10/2006 16:33

So sorry Jenk1 I agree with fairyjay though, cut yourselves off from anyone who isn't 100 per cent supportive to your dh.

Original poster

jenk1 · 31/10/2006 16:33

i know, im just so gutted for DH, i cant stop crying cos i know how hard its been for him to stand up to his family and that pig of an uncle and he feels that it was all for nothing, but ive tried to tell him that it DOES count what he,s done cos surely his uncle is now a marked man and it only takes one more person to come forward and im sure he,ll trip himself up one day he,s not that clever, look at what he did when he was arrested, tried to get DH to drop the case by pretending that he had tried to commit suicide and saying that his daughter had gone to prison when she hasnt.

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 31/10/2006 16:59

Jenk1 I am so sorry.

I wanted to let you know that I've been through something v similar that again resulted in no prosecution. I don't talk about it really but believe it or not, there are some positives to come out of it all and I wanted to share those with you.

First of all, your husband was brave enough to stand up for himself and talk about - yes, he will feel let down that it didn't result in a prosecution but deep down, at least it means he is capable of talking about what happened and other people in your family are now aware of what your uncle is like.

Secondly, the police will no doubt have a record of what has gone on. If your uncle so much as makes a teeny tiny step out of line, they will be down on him like a ton of bricks. What your husband has been brave enough to do may have saved some poor child/adult from going through the same thing.

Give your dh a hug for me and perhaps consider booking a break for the family to get away from it all for a while. xx

witchscatsmother · 31/10/2006 17:06

Jenk, I'm gutted for your DH and you. Never let him feel that it was all for nothing (of course you won't) because, as you say, the fact he has done this hugely brave thing will count towards future prosecution if he's ever arrested again.

That uncle KNOWS what he did, and now he also knows your DH hasn't forgotten. All this "bragging" and intimidation which has been going on ..... that's the action of a guilty "man", not an innocent one. DH has rattled his cage for sure, made him feel uncomfortable, worried him, probably scared him. Ok - he might be "celebrating" now but I bet beneath the bravado there's still a bit of him which will be scared. He'll always be looking over his shoulder, always wondering that if your DH has spoken out, who might be next.

Is there anyone else within the family who would also be willing to give evidence ?

As for "flaunting" ..... you will have to immediately and totally cut yourselves off from any of the family who condone this. I fear your DH may feel even more angry/depressed/betrayed etc if other relatives seem to "side" with this repulsive creature. You can't let him have to deal with that too, on top of everything else .... it will be torturous. If you don't see/speak/call/write to the people concerned, then he won't have to suffer their stupid and gross insensitivity.

If there was any justice of course they would disown him if he started "flaunting" but from your earlier posts, I am not sure this would happen.

Original poster

jenk1 · 31/10/2006 17:12

Thanks for all your replies, it really helps talking it through.

The thing that is bothering us is his cousin, his uncle says she has gone to prison but the police officer says he,s not had any reports that she had and he would have done as social services have been involved, so how do we find out where she is or maybe social services forgot to tell the police that she has gone to prison, which is unlikely i know but mistakes do happen, is there a way of finding out if a family member has been sent to prison does anyone know?

Thanks

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 31/10/2006 17:14

I wouldn't believe a word your uncle uttered tbh

can you ask social services? I'm sure the police would know if she had gone to jail.

foxinsocks · 31/10/2006 17:14

sorry, his uncle I meant

SparklyGothKat · 31/10/2006 17:31

oh Jenk1, sorry to hear this. i would cut all ties..

facebovvered · 31/10/2006 17:37

I posted on one of your threads, but I changed my name for a thread and haven't changed it back yet.... I feel so sad for your dh, and so bloody angry at his perverted uncle. The man is clearly a bastard.

what age is your cousin that he says is in prison? Have you any idea of how to find out.. like ask other family members etc...?

lucy5 · 31/10/2006 17:38

Oh so sorry, your poor dh!

LaDIEDaDIE · 31/10/2006 17:40

I've been following your story and I'm deeply disappointed on behalf of your dh. I agree entirely with those who say your dh should permanently sever all ties with any family member who is not supportive.

anorak · 31/10/2006 17:40

I'm so sorry. There is much wrong with the British justice system.

Hold your heads up high, you did the right thing. The rest of your DH's family can't say that. You have your dignity and your integrity completely intact.

kikki · 31/10/2006 18:44

I think the CPS are useless. They decided not to proscecute my husband after he assaulted me in front of a block of flats that at least 3 people(who either called out at him to leave me alone or I saw looking out) as they said they did not have enough evidence! I am partly annoyed at the police that didn't handle things properly but when they put the case to the CPS they are not allowed to put any of the history that is known to the police about the accused. In the past the police would have the decision to prosecute and would therefore know that my husband has assaulted me on several occasions in the past. I sorry to hear about your situation. I long for the day the powers that be realise that the CPS is a waste of time and not an effective decision making body.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee · 31/10/2006 19:08

really sorry to hear this news . i hope your DH can move on from all this , My heart goes out to him to be so brave to go through this and then for it to be thrown back in his face . i am truly sorry .

Original poster

jenk1 · 31/10/2006 21:59

thanks for explaining about the CPS kikki, we couldnt understand why when the police were confident that this could go to court the CPS said no, but it makes sense now.

Uncle was already known to the police, for what we dont know but they told DH that he was known both to them and social services and that they thought they would get it to court.

OP posts:

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