Fathers who don't want their own children.

[TheDetective]

I had to come to this conclusion a few months ago. My child's (and unborn child) father simply doesn't care about them. He doesn't love them in the way a parent should. He doesn't love them at all.

Now looking back on the time we were together it's pretty obvious he wasn't that bothered when he was here. Even though he was DS's primary carer.

Not sure why I couldn't see it sooner. I think I did, I think I just hoped the bond would grow.

Not only did he turn out to be an incredible shit as a husband, but he turned out to be an incredibly shit parent too.

I keep hoping that maybe I'll see something from him. Some sort of love or emotion for his child. At the beginning he said I would see it. He would prove he loved his child.

He hasn't. Quite the opposite really.

So now I have to come to terms with what this means in the future for my children. We live in the same town. He lives not even 2 minutes away. The school my children are likely to go to is right opposite where he lives. He can see the school from his window. He works in the town centre.

So my children might pass him in the street, or wherever. How do I deal with their questions as they get older? Do I tell the truth? Or sugar coat it. Yeah, they might never ask. But I like to be prepared. I never thought I'd find myself in this situation. Now I'm here, I'm not sure how best to deal with it.

And how do I deal with how this makes me feel?

I would try to leave that town and start afresh elsewhere, to be honest. No point in having that constant torment.

My oldest's father ignored her. Had two more kids by someone else. Evaded child support. It's his loss; she's amazing and I love her dearly. She's almost 19 now. Older than I was, when I had her.

You'll have that as well - all those lovely moments where you see what you have achieved by raising your children to be lovely people and an asset to the world we live in. Clearly, he is incapable of being anything more than a sperm donor. Make your peace with his shortcomings, make a new life for yourself and your kids somewhere else, meet someone else and be happy.

I'm in the same boat. When I met him his eldest son was 12. He doted on his son. It appeared he was a good father. Since we split he has made no effort. Mine are 9 & 11.
I am not undermining the benefits of having a good role model in their lives at all but I have come to the conclusion that my life (and the life of my two children ) is far happier for not having him in it.
I've made EVERY effort to facilitate contact but he was unreliable and it often ended with the children being let down.
We all know where we stand now.

luna moving simply isn't an option as things stand.

I have a mortgage which is in negative equity. My eldest (13 year old) sons dad lives in this town (he moved here to be closer to DS). I work reasonably locally, and after moving here 7 years ago, for the first time in my adult life I have friends, and a small support network.

He was born in this town, but he has no ties here other than his mum. He can fuck off and move quite frankly. He lives with his mum (she rents, she moved where she is now a couple of years ago, just round the corner from us... Coincidently....). There's more chance of him fucking off to be honest. Which I hope he does. To the far side of fuck preferably.

He will tell people he wants to see them. He will tell people I stopped him. The reality is very different. He had enough chances to be a father.

He knew his son was ill last week. I had taken him to a&e after 10 days of vomiting and severe weight loss. That was last Wednesday. I text him that night informing him of the situation. His response to the news was 'ok'. And no communication since. He gives not even the tiniest fuck.

I could go on and on really. He hasn't had the chance to let DS down. Luckily. And both children will be young enough to forget about him and not remember him.

Single parenting is very rewarding. It just isn't what I wanted for them. But the pride is immeasurable knowing they are absolutely thriving and you are doing a damn good job with them.

He's been gone since mid December. He last saw DS at the end of January. In that time he was seeing him, he hardly saw him because of his own selfishness. He was his main carer ffs?! What kind of parent does that.