You or the relationship...?

[SkiBibbidyBobBob]

Do you think you can tell if somebody wants to be with YOU or just wants to be in a relationship?

How do you think they would act in either situation?

I'm asking because I my BF and I split up for a few days and got back together after a big heart to heart about our feelings and how we wanted the relationship to go. Basically, I was sure of my feelings for him but unsure of his feelings for me so I broke it off. He told me he wants me and wants a future.

Then I found out that during the two days we split, he went on Tinder. And now I am wondering, is it me he wants or does he just not want to be alone.

Sorry that you are feeling uncertain about your relationship, Ski. I know what you mean though. Here is my analogy: do you know the children's shape sorter wooden toy? When what you want is the relationship, you spend your time trying to make the square or the triangle fit into the circle. When what you want is the person, the shape goes into the right hole. Basically, you will put a lot of work into trying to mould that person and who you want them to be - daily traits, the way they speak, dress, choice of food... it doesn't always need to be huge changes. When you want the person, those things really don't matter. I say that from personal experience, from having been in both situations. I hope this helps? Hugs

Hmmm. You had a big heart to heart. Maybe time for a bigger one?

Men see attention from their preferred sex as an ego boost. Without further info, perhaps he was trying to bolster his hurt pride? Doesn't mean you should or should not care about it - ymmv. But it's a likely explanation.

Both of those responses help, thank you

Vix That makes sense, my relationship with my ExH was very much like that. He was constantly trying to make me a little more of this and a little less of that. With this BF, I do feel completely accepted. I had no doubts he thought I was the bees knees, I was more unsure about his readiness for a relationship (he has huge work commitments). And I felt he was backing off.

And I have also been wary of the fact his marriage ended more recently than mine and he was badly hurt. Which I guess would explain your theory luna

To clarify, I was unsure about his readiness for a proper relationship but also thought he might be scared to be alone at the same time