I'm in my thirties and it worries me sometimes that I feel like a little girl rather than a woman and see myself replicating my relationship with my parents that my mother had with hers. Rather than just doing my own thing / (our family own thing), I tend to still bother like a teenager what they think / seek their opinion / call them a lot. The difficult part is they have not behaved as I'd have expected with the close upbringing we had since I had my children and in short I get constantly let down and upset by their lack of involvement / willingness to help out. As a result, I sometimes feel 'addicted' to their contact / reassurance etc and feel I am being used whereas sometimes a bit of distance / assertiveness might help. It drives my husband crazy as I speak to him so much about how they are letting me down etc and then he finds me on the phone chatting to my Mum or that I have gone out of my way to please her and it makes him understandably angry. However, I also note sometimes with us two, he can be the more domineering one and I also try to please him, so there are not dissimilar issues at times, although DH actively encourages me to be my own person and say what I want etc.
I had a totally normal upbringing with love and and was one of two. My mum behaved exactly the same with her parents and they sometimes 'used her' and we as young adults used to tell her to not be manipulated. Does anyone else feel like this? It really impacts mine and my DH relationship and I have suggested we move away (we live very local at present). As when we are away, I sort of feel free and that there are no expectations to be let down by, if that makes sense.