Am I stuck in my marriage?

[Joz11]

So I'm a long time lurker but first time poster looking for a bit of advice.

I've been married to dh for about 6 years, together over 10 with 2 dcs. Basucally i am just so unhappy in my marriage but can't bring myself to leave as there is one no big issue. We are just so different and probably wouldn't have stayed together if we hadn't had the children.

He is grumpy and so negative in his outlook on life. I organise every part of family life from the house to bills to holidays and days out. I'm not sure what he actually contributes. We also don't have sex as I can't bring myself too.

I know he isn't happy either and splitting up is the best thing but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Nobody is stuck in a marriage.

The only thing keeping you in yours is that you "just can't bring yourself" to end it.

That is something you have the power to change.

I could have written this! My DH is so negative it's driven me to pushing for a split. We spoke last night and apparently he gets so grumpy and angry because I don't listen to a word he says. He's supposed to be going to the doctor today to see if it's his medication but he went to bed last night saying he wasn't sure if he was going to bother.
I don't want to split our family up, I don't want to give up on our marriage but I simply cannot spend the rest of my life like this when I tjink I could be with someone who is positive and cheerful like me. X

There is one big issue; you're miserably unhappy. Sounds like the best reason in the world. Lots of other things can be overcome by changing stuff. That really can't.

There is an issue. The issue is that you are unhappy. That is enough.

You're only stuck if you think you are. Ask yourself "Am I better off with him or without him?". I think you already know the answer.

Does he have a point, I mean, do you actually listen to (and take notice of) anything he says? Being disregarded is hugely frustrating and disempowering.

I mean, are you like me an 'organiser' who has the house running pretty smoothly, after school activities sorted etc. to the point thatyou could realistically run it as a one (wo)man show?

He sounds as if he might be struggling with health problems and also struggling to find a role or useful 'place' for himself in the family unit.

What sort of things does he say that 'you don't listen to'? Its easy to get into a habit of 'parenting' everyone else in the house rather than seeing your DH as an adult sometimes, especially if he works longer hours than you and is around the home less. So he's not contributing because you have already got everything covered.

Heaven knows if I have any of this right! But maybe just worth a thought as to how you can create space for him to be involved in stuff rather than just LTB!

Being unhappy in a marriage is a good enough reason to leave. You are not obliged to stick around for the rest of your life simply because there is no flashpoint issue (an affair/domestic violence).

Its the rest of your life. Your children will adapt. Don't sacrifice yourself just because you don't feel you have a good enough excuse to present to the outside world.

It could have been me writing it 10 years ago.
I am single parent of 5 years.
Kids are doing great, my health suffered staying in unhappy marriage.

Are you stuck? It depends.
Maybe you or your dh will have an affair or one of you will have nervous breakdown.
Or you just make up your mind and decide on separation.

In my experience would be better to prepare for separation (give yourself 12 months) and in that time just do as much planning and also include your dh in it. Don't deceive him that you want to divorce.

My ex cheated on me, our marriage was already unhappy , it took me few years to get over his behaviour towards me.
I wish I was brave and initiated divorce before he strayed, over all it would all have been healthier situation to be in.