Uncomfortable partner

[MozzchopsThirty]

Not sure how to deal with this its all new.

Partner met dcs last November, then started staying over in December. He has 2 boys and so do I.

Mine adore him and just carry on like they always do (eg they just wander in the bathroom to pee), want to climb in bed.

He says this makes him uncomfortable and he's not sure how to handle it. He worries how my ex would view things, and also how he would feel if his boys were getting into bed with his ex's new partner.

Advice on how others deal with this sort of thing would be great thanks

Bump

Just tell them not to? He's uncomfortable and I see why, so just say no..

Well its not about him, its about what makes your boys comfortable. Alternatively, he's going to need to work on accepting that there's going to be another male in his own childrens life eventually...how long has it been since his last relationship ended?

How old are your boys?

Mine are 10 & 5
His are 2 & 5

His marriage ended 18m ago

I would also respect his feelings about this. He doesn't know them very well and maybe this is a bit too much too soon.

I understand why he feels uncomfortable. Buy a lock for bedroom door and tell him to sleep in pjs.

Shit, bathroom door not bedroom door.

There's no hard-and-fast rule, but generally the slower the progression, the better. Perhaps go back to your DP not staying over for a while so that boundaries can be controlled a bit better.

I'd be a bit worried about the fact he's thinking about his X and new partners she may be introducing his boys too. It implies that he doesn't trust her judgment as a parent. That may be a valid POV but if that's the case, how come he isn't primary carer? It could be a sign of someone not quite ready to be in a relationship with you, which is why he seems reluctant to engage so readily with your DC.

Out of interest, how long have you been together and how often is he staying over?

He doesn't trust her judgement, she introduced her new boyf after 6 weeks and my dp found out when his eldest shouted it across the playground

We've been together 9 months, he stays a max of 3 nights, sometimes it's only 1. Depends how things workout

At those ages its time to teach them boundaries with non family members even if he is a BF. They are well above the age of going into bathrooms whilst someone else using it.

I agree little and I've discussed it with the little one today

Hmm, this is a tricky one because it is important that your sons are relaxed and comfortable in their own home and don't feel pushed out by your new man but at the same time you are entitled to privacy as a couple and as individuals.

My children would come into our bed in the mornings but not at night, until my daughter was a teenager when she might come in before she went to bed for a chat while we were reading but this would never be later than about 10.00-10.30.

None of us ever intruded on each other in the bathroom, once the children were past the age of needing supervision. Your partner should lock the bathroom door.